


make me a cradle, hold me instead

by IzzyAguecheek



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Allison and Neil are bros, Allison is a good aunt, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, F/F, Fluff, Kevin is a single dad, Kid Fic, Kindergarten Teacher Renee Walker, Wymack is a grumpy grandpa, basically the Foxes were still the Foxes except Renee wasn't there, everyone has children, except for Allison and Andreil, future fic (sort of)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 06:48:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26847682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyAguecheek/pseuds/IzzyAguecheek
Summary: Of course, being the nice rich aunt was still being an aunt, so Allison got the boring stuff too, like babysitting so Matt and Dan could have a date night, and changing diapers, and picking David up from school every now and then, but she didn’t mind it as much as she’d expected to. It seemed like a fair price to pay for the undying and devoted love of a five year-old.She specially didn’t mind picking him up at school.Specially with his kindergarten teacher looking the way she looked.(Or: Renee is Dan and Matt's kid pre-school teacher, and Allison gets a hopeless crush on her when the one time she needs to pick the kid up at school. And then they get all tangled in Feelings.)
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose, Renison - Relationship, past Allison Reynolds/Seth Gordon
Comments: 16
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Am I too obsessed with Renison? Yes. Yes I am.
> 
> Full disclosure: I have no idea how American children call their teachers, so I just went with what I've seen them calling teachers in fanfiction lmao if it's incorrect, feel free to correct me in the comments. This is unbeta'd, so any feedback is gratefully appreciated!
> 
> Fic title taken from "Send Me You" by The Butchies, because that seems to be my official Renison band now.

Allison wasn’t good with kids. Having been raised as a single child, with not even a distant younger cousin around, she hadn’t had many opportunities to learn how to interact with them or understand their incomprehensible babbles and constant needs. She had swore to herself she would never have children, and she didn’t understand why everyone else her age seemed to be so obsessed with procreating and sacrificing their entire life to raise little parasites in an already overpopulated world, just so they could grow up to make the exact same mistakes as their parents had.

Until Dan and Matt had their first child, that is.

Sure, Allison still didn’t want to have a little prototype of a person around her 24/7, making her have to behave like a decent human being when all she wanted to do was get drunk on wine and talk shit about other people. Dan and Matt had become that boring couple that couldn’t swear, couldn’t stay up past 9 p.m., and could never go out to the club anymore, because their sitter kept canceling on them. Allison missed going out with her two best friends, and, sometimes, she even resented the fact that they had a kid, a little. And then, she immediately felt guilty for it, because said kid was clearly making them so goddamn happy.

It was becoming increasingly hard, in her group of friends composed entirely of married couples either with kids or ridiculously time-consuming jobs - Matt and Dan, Nicky and Erik, Aaron and Katelyn, Andrew and Neil, Kevin and  his recent divorce from Thea – to find someone to hang out with the way they used to. They weren’t college students anymore; they were  _real_ adults now, and things were changing way too quickly for Allison’s taste, but she tried not to think about that too hard. They were much happier now than they used to, a world away from those depressed and fucked up kids  that used to cling to each other so desperate a few years back. 

Plus, Allison found that the role of nice rich aunt fitted her like a glove. You know, the one that took the kid home on weekends and took him on vacation or shopping, bought him the most expensive Christmas and birthday gifts (although she was always competing with Matt’s mom on  _that_ department) and got to return him safely to his own parents before she could really need to take any responsibility for it. The kid, an adorable little boy called David who had all the kindness of a young Matt and every ounce of Dan’s fierce energy, absolutely loved going over to “auntie Allison”’s place to watch movies, play with Allison’s make-up, and waddle around in her dresses and steal her bra (he even tried to steal her heels, once, which Allison thought was adorable, but she stopped him before he could twist an ankle or something. Her heels were  _not_ for amateurs). 

Of course, being the nice rich aunt was still being an aunt, so Allison got the boring stuff too, like babysitting so Matt and Dan could have a date night, and changing diapers, and picking David up from school every now and then, but she didn’t mind it as much as she’d expected to. It seemed like a fair price to pay for the undying and devoted love of a five year-old.

She specially didn’t mind picking him up at school.

Specially with his kindergarten teacher looking the way she looked.

The first time Allison  saw Renee Walker – or Miss Renee, as the kids called her –, she assumed she was someone’s mom or aunt or sister. She had never seen a kindergarten teacher with colorful streaks on her hair, or with tattoos on her arms, or with three piercings on each ear. Even if Renee didn’t have the threatening, I’m-too-cool-for-you aura people with this description usually had, Allison always assumed schools were too obsessed with dress codes and rules to let someone that looked like that teach their children.

As soon as  she started talking to her, though, Allison understood why people would trust her with their kids. She had known that woman for precisely five seconds, and would already trust her with her life.

“You must be  Miss Reynolds ”, Renee said while approaching her, in a soft voice, with the sweetest smile Allison had ever seen on a grown person. 

Allison frowned a bit at the words. In spite of all the sweetness, she was always a little wary of people who knew her name before she’d had the time to introduce herself. They weren’t rare or anything – being the only child of one of the most notorious high-society families in the city, former college Exy athlete and current owner of a famous fashion line, Allison’s face and name were very public information –, and most were harmless, but she could never know the fans, the creeps and the normal people that happened to know who she was because of Twitter apart from each other.

“It depends who’s asking”, Allison answered. It had become her go-to reply because it seemed to throw people off and discourage further conversation, but Renee just kept smiling like that was perfectly expected.

“Oh, of course. I’m Renee Walker” She extended a hand towards Allison. “I’m David’s teacher.”

Allison shook her hand, eyeing her still with a bit of distrust. Up close, she could see the little scars on Renee’s face where there were probably piercings before - eyebrow, nose, lips. She tried not to stare at the latter for too long.

“Right. And you know my name because…?”

She hadn’t realized Renee was holding a clipboard until she lifted it so Allison could see a tiny picture of herself attached to it, with her name written besides it on what seemed to be a personal information form.

“We ask the parents to warn us beforehand if someone else is coming to pick up their kids”, Renee explained. If she thought Allison was being rude, she didn’t let it show. “It’s a matter of  safety , you see. Plus, you’re listed as David’s security contact in case we can’t reach his parents, so we already had your info on our records.”

Oh. 

Allison fought down the surge of emotion that information brought up in her. Even now, it was hard to believe that Matt and Dan really trusted her  _that_ much.

“I see.” She smiled, a little embarrassed of how she had talked to Renee earlier. That was no way to treat a pretty girl. Much less a kindergarten teacher. Much less a pretty kindergarten teacher that was being so goddamn nice to her. “Yeah, that’s me. I’m his… Aunt. Sort of.”

Renee nodded as if that made perfect sense, and again Allison felt a weird knot in her stomach. She had never called herself someone’s  _aunt_ out loud, and part of her expected follow-up questions about it, but Renee just gestured towards the playground.

“David’s over there playing with Sarah on the swings.” She smiled again. “Nice to meet you, Miss Reynolds.”

Allison grimaced.

“Call me Allison. ‘Miss Reynolds’ makes me feel like an old maid that lives with a bunch of cats and lives motherhood vicariously through other people’s children.”

It was a poorly worded comment, but it made Renee laugh, so it was completely worth it. Her laugh was even brighter than her smile, and Allison wondered if children ever cried around Renee. She couldn’t imagine it.

“Hey, cats aren’t so bad.”

“They’re quieter than kids, I’ll tell you that much” Allison realized she sounded like a bitch a second after the words had left her mouth, and decided to flee the scene before Renee could peg her for the kid hating type. “Anyway, I better go get David, or he’ll think I forgot him, and that’s never pretty.”

She left before Renee had time to answer and hoped that hadn’t sounded too rude.

David didn’t seem at all worried about being forgotten. He was pushing a little girl on a swing and chatting with her excitedly, and didn’t even realize Allison’s approach until she called his name. Then, he immediately abandoned the little girl in favor of running over to her and latching onto her leg.

“Aunt Allison!”

“Hey there, Dave” Allison couldn’t help but smile. She had had a very long day at work, and she kinda wished she could just have a glass of wine and go to bed instead of entertaining a kid for the night, but the excitement in David’s voice made all of that disappear instantly. “Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay. Mom’s always late, too” David let go of her leg and looked up at her. He had Dan’s darker skin and Matt’s hazel eyes, and all the undying adoration of a 5 year-old looking at someone he loved, and Allison  _almost_ understood the purpose of having a child. “Are we gonna go shopping?”

Allison hadn’t planned anything, but she had the time and the money, anyway, and it wasn’t like she could just say no to those eyes.

“Sure, sweetie. Let’s go shopping.”

She could deal with Dan’s half-hearted complaints about her spoiling David later.

During the rest of the day and evening, Allison didn’t think much about “Miss Renee”, other than David’s occasional comments about her – “Miss Renee is so nice, she let us draw our favorite superheros!” and “Miss Renee has a dog, she promised to take him to class someday!” and other cutesy stuff like that that only served to prove her hypothesis that Renee was an actual angel from God walking on Earth. Later, when they were already at Allison’s  place and David had fallen asleep on her couch while watching a cartoon, she vaguely wondered how inappropriate it would be for her to hit on her sort-of-nephew’s teacher. She had no idea; she’d have to ask Dan.

Not like she was intending on pursuing that thought, though. Allison’s last boyfriend had been a problematic, reckless drug-addict that she was constantly breaking up and fighting with, and she’d had nothing but brief flings with equally dangerous-looking and equally emotionally unavailable people ever since. “Sweet and ridiculously nice kindergarten teacher” wasn’t exactly up her alley, not matter how cute and tattooed said teacher was.

Allison was pouring herself that glass of wine when the door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a very tired Dan leaning against the door frame. She came in without waiting to be invited, and stopped to swoon at the picture of the child sleeping on the couch, curled up into a ball with a smudge of eyeliner under his eyes.

“I see you worn him out”, Dan observed. She turned around to raise an eyebrow at Allison. “Should I expect any new clothes?”

Smiling, Allison gestured towards the shopping bags on the floor near David.

“One or two shirts, maybe. But I also bought him a book.”

Instead of snapping at her, Dan just looked back at David, her expression so fond it hurt to look at  it . Allison wondered if her mom had ever looked at her like that. Didn’t seem likely. She also wondered if she would ever look at someone like that. Seemed even less likely.

“I’ll go get Matt to take him to the car”, Dan decided. She probably could’ve picked David up herself, but apparently that was their dynamic, now. Dan handled the conversation, Matt picked up the child, and Allison drank wine and bought expensive stuff. Honestly, not much had changed since their Palmetto State days, except the child used to be angry teammates trying to fight other people, and the conversation used to involve a lot more swearing, and the expensive stuff used to be more booze and obscenely fast cars than children’s books. “Can you get his  things for me, please?”

Allison went to her bedroom to retrieve David’s backpack and lunchbox, and, when she came back, Matt was already there, carefully cradling David in his arms. David was getting a bit too big to be carried around like that – apparently, he’d gotten Matt’s genes on that department –, but Matt didn’t seem bothered in the least. He nodded at Allison, clearly trying to stay quiet as to not jostle his son. Allison smiled and hoped there wasn’t any melancholy in the expression.

“I was going to offer you a glass of wine, but I think I already know the answer.”

Matt gave her an apologetic look. Dan took Allison’s glass, took a sip and gave it back, then gave her a quick hug.

“I would love to, Al, but I’m exhausted.”, she said. “The team was being a nightmare today, I swear to God I’m gonna have to physically fight that goalie someday…”

This time, Allison’s smile was amused. The fact that Dan had taken over their former coach’s job was still hilarious to her. Every time she complained about the current team, Allison had to fight down the urge to tell her it was cosmic karma.

“Come one, now”, she said, instead. “He couldn’t have been worse than Andrew.”

“And do you remember how many times Matt and Seth had to physically fight Andrew?” Dan gave her a kiss on the cheek and waved on her way to the door. “By the way, thank you so much for picking him up today. New teacher seems nice, right?”

“She’s okay.” Allison didn’t think it was the time to mention how hot she had found Renee.

“David’s obsessed with her hair”, Matt said, almost whispering. “He says it’s like a rainbow.”

“That’s one way to describe it”, Allison agreed.

“Either way, thanks a lot, Al.”, continued Dan. “Maybe we can go out for that glass of wine this weekend? I’ll text the sitter, let me know if you’re free.”

They left before Allison could answer, leaving her alone in her flat that suddenly seemed too big for her.

As it turned out, Dan and Matt’s babysitter was  _not_ available that weekend. Neither was Nicky and Erik’s, and Aaron and Katelyn had a family thing at Katelyn’s mother’s house, or they were making up something at Katelyn’s mother’s house to get out of going out with her, which was fine – not like Katelyn would be very excited to go out clubbing while six months pregnant with twins, anyway. She didn’t  _tell_ Allison she didn’t want to go, exactly, but she didn’t have to. Aaron’s panicked face at the idea had been indication enough. He was going to be the most overprotective dad in the entire universe; between him and Andrew, Allison would feel sorry for those kids, if she didn’t know they were going to be loved so fiercely no harm would ever be done to them by anyone. Or at least, not anyone who would survive harming them.

Kevin’s daughter was staying with Thea that weekend, so that left him, Andrew and Neil, the only couple that seemed to share Allison’s opinion on having kids. Back in college, she would have canceled her plans before going clubbing with those three without at least Nicky’s normal-ish behavior as a social buffer, but, lately, that had been happening more often than not, because it was either that or going out alone, and that was level of “depressing” Allison refused to get to.

Plus, they’d come a long way from their crazy, drug fueled Eden’s Twilight days. She hoped. At least, she hadn’t woken up without recognizing her surroundings in a while, and Kevin hasn’t blacked out drunk more than twice since graduation. So that’s gotta count for something.

Neil was the designated driver of the night, so Andrew got everyone else multiple shots of clear liquor and they downed it without even asking what it was. Allison got herself a fancy cocktail after, and laughed at Neil’s grimace when he tasted it and declared it to be “too sweet” and “disgusting”. She thought Andrew probably would’ve liked it, but she didn’t offer him a sip and he didn’t ask for one, because that just wasn’t their style.

None of the guys was interested in dancing with her, so Allison hit the dance floor alone. She used to think that this was the main downside of going out without at least Nicky to join her, but now she found that it was really not that much of a big deal, to be on her own for a bit. When she closed her eyes and forgot everything about the beat all around her, it didn’t make a difference that she didn’t know anyone nearby.

Besides, Allison never stayed on her own for too long when she went to the club. 

This time, it was a gentle-ish approach, or as gentle as people approaching each other for a hook-up in a nightclub usually were. It was a hand tapping her lightly on the shoulder, instead of grabbing her hand or waist or ass or hair like usual, and Allison knew it was a girl even before she had turned around to face her. 

What she  _didn’t_ know was that it was Miss Renee Walker, somehow looking as comfortable under the blinking lights surrounded by drunk people as in the middle of a school playground surrounded by little children. She wore more casual clothes – jeans and a t-shirt, nothing too showy, and certainly nothing like Allison’s short and tight dress –, but, other than that, she looked exactly like she had the first time Allison had met her, down to the sweet smile. 

“Hi”, she said. She didn’t yell, so Allison didn’t  _hear_ her as much as she read her lips. 

Allison took a step on her direction. She had drank another fancy cocktail after the first one, and then a bunch of shots Andrew had bought, but a small part of her brain was still sober enough to wonder if it was best to turn around and leave. She couldn’t find a good reason to, other than the fact that talking to a kindergarten teacher in a nightclub seemed vaguely inappropriate, which was stupid. Kindergarten teachers were adults, right? They could go out drinking with their friends. They could go dancing.

They could also do  _lots_ of things with Allison, in this particularly case, but she wasn’t going to dive into  _that_ just yet.

She took another step, and another, until she was close enough to lean into Renee’s personal space and shout near her ear:

“Fancy seeing you here.”

It wasn’t not supposed to be a line, just a conversation starter, but Renee seemed to take it otherwise. Gingerly, two hands settled on Allison’s waist, slow enough to give her time to step away if she wanted to, timid enough not to seem invasive, and – well. Allison wasn’t about to complain. Up close, she could see something else different about Renee tonight. There was a hint of something dark in her eyes, something off in the way she was looking up at Allison. It was barely there, but it was enough to send Allison’s heart racing. 

All thoughts related to kindergarten teaching vanished from her mind as Renee leaned even closer. Her lips brushed the shell of Allison’s ear when she spoke, not quite yelling still, in an almost playful tone:

“I guess I could say the same about you.”

Oh, God.

Allison almost made a comment about teachers having a life of their own away from their students, but refrained in time. Didn’t seem like a good idea to bring up children right now. She decided that, if Renee didn’t bring up the fact that they had already met due to a mutual acquaintance that happened to be a 6 year-old, Allison wouldn’t mention it, either.

It was hard to talk over the loud music, so, for a while, they didn’t. Instead, they danced together, in a way that was flirtatious, but calculated so that they weren’t literally grinding against each other on in the middle of the crowd. This was mostly due to Renee’s hands on Allison’s waist and her seemingly endless self-control; Allison couldn’t wait to get all over her. 

After a song and a half, she finally lost her patience. Looping her arms around Renee’s neck, she brought her mouth close to her ear again to say:

“I didn’t think you’d be such a tease.”

No one had ever been able to resist Allison’s challenging tone before, and Renee was no exception. She looked up with that mischievous glint in her eye, and the hands on Allison’s waist tightened as she stepped even closer and finally,  _finally_ kissed her.

It all went very fast from there. One second, they were dancing together, and the next, Renee had Allison pinned against a wall in the corner of the dance floor, hands moving down her body, lips on her neck, heat seemingly everywhere. She didn’t seem intimidated when Allison bit her lower lip and tugged on her hair; she just pulled her closer, gripped her tighter and kissed her harder. One of Renee’s thighs slotted itself right between Allison’s leg, pressing squarely against where she wanted it the most, but, before she could grind down on it, Renee pulled back and gave her a smile that was entirely too coy for what they had just been doing. 

“Not the best place”, Renee said, sounding almost apologetic. Allison blinked up at her, brain still struggling to come back online after all the kissing.

“Well, that’s easy enough to fix” She grabbed Renee’s hand and started leading her towards the exit. She made a mental note to text Neil and let him know she wasn’t going home with him that night; she had much better plans now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this ending might be a bit misleading, but there's no smut here lol (not explicitely, anyway, although it's sort of alluded to)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a history of 1) having chapter 1 be twice the size of every other chapter and 2) writing fanfiction during class instead of actually paying attention to my professors, so these two factors explain why i'm updating chapter 2 only two days after posting chapter 1 lmao

When Allison woke up the net morning, it was to an empty bed and a phone number scrawled on the corner of the energy bill she kept pinned to the fridge to remember to pay. She allowed herself to smile like an idiot at the paper, since there was no one around to see it. She would’ve liked it if Renee had stayed for breakfast, or maybe a second round, but she wasn’t very surprised or disappointed to see she hadn’t. Allison was used to the one night stand etiquette. If they had been at Renee’s place, she would’ve been gone before the first rays of morning light.

Which meant she also knew better than to text the number on the bill right away. Instead, Allison only picked up her phone to reply to Neil’s concerned text from the night before – it was sweet how he was always worried about them even now, she thought, but also mildly aggravating – and, after a second of hesitation, to tell him about Renee. Usually, she’d be rushing to tell Dan all the details, but it felt a little awkward. Allison hadn’t decided yet how inappropriate the whole situation was. It wasn’t morally wrong, sure, but still; it was different from her previous hook-ups, and Dan  _knew_ Renee, and Dan’s  _kid_ knew Renee, so Allison was feeling a little out of her depth here. She would tell Dan if it actually led to something, she decided.

In the meantime, Neil was the second best option. He didn’t care about nearly anything that wasn’t Exy or Andrew, he had no moral high ground to judge her, and he would keep his mouth shut about it; what else could you ask from a friend? 

He didn’t reply immediately, and Allison didn’t expect him to; was probably either out on for a run, or still in bed with Andrew, or patching Kevin up with painkillers and a lot of judgmental stares. Far from her to interrupt such important affairs. Instead of waiting for his response or texting Renee, Allison busied herself with a shower – which gave her a good opportunity to catalog the tiny, hidden hickeys Renee had left on her body – and breakfast. 

However, she didn’t take as long as she thought she would to text the number on the bill, because, well. Allison hated to admit it, but she was more eager to talk to Renee than she had been to talk to anyone she had hooked up with in the past few years. Maybe it had been the great sex, or maybe it was the fact that Allison hadn’t really been with anyone for so long, or maybe she was just intrigued. No one could blame her for wanting to know more about that kindergarten teacher that looked like a pop punk singer and talked like a Disney princess.

Plus, she thought Renee would be the type of person that would like chocolate chip pancakes, and Allison had gotten into the habit of going to this great bakery down the street to eat chocolate chip pancakes every morning after a night out, so that seemed like a great conversation starter.

She sent Renee the same picture of her plate that she posted on her Instagram, except this one was captioned as  _you missed breakfast ;(_ . The reply came a lot quicker than expected; five minutes later, her phone buzzed with a new text from Renee.  _Sorry, I wish I could’ve stayed for pancakes_ , it read. 

_Or a second round_ , Allison replied, and wondered if it would make Renee blush. She hadn’t seem at all coy last night, but she knew from experience that people could change completely in the daylight. Specially sweet looking people like Renee.

_Or that,_ was the reply, so Allison guessed no blushing, or a well conceited blush.  Interesting. Then:  _Did you make those?_

The conversation was easy. They talked about Allison’s distaste for cooking and Renee’s talent for baking, and other equally ordinary topics spiraled from there somehow, until they had an ongoing conversation that lasted for longer than Allison cared to count. She remained at her table long after the pancakes were gone, typing away with her manicured fingers and grinning like a fool at the screen. If her and Renee couldn’t be anything, they would at least make great friends. Allison wondered if Dan had gotten the opportunity to actually talk to Renee yet. She had no idea how often parents talked to their kids’ teachers, but she thought that Dan would really like Renee, too, if given the chance to talk to her about something other than her son.

As if summoned by the thought, a text from Dan interrupted Allison’s Renee-induced haze.  _Ur coming next week right?,_ it read. Allison frowned.

  
  


_Coming where?_

  
  


Per usual, Dan answered her immediately and with poor grammar:

  
  


_Dude, the BBQ?? did u FORGET_

_Wymack wants a list of everyone_ _going_ _so he can buy the stuff_

  
  


It took a moment for Allison to remember what she was talking about. Their former-coach-and-also-sort-of-reluctant-dad had gotten a habit of scheduling these meetings every now and then with all of them since they all had graduated and gotten kids and jobs and just generally become too busy to get together casually, which was weirdly sweet for someone like Wymack. Allison hadn’t forgotten about the barbecue itself, but she had no idea it was the next week. 

  
  


_Oh yeah_

_Yeah I’m going_

_Yeah I forgot lol not everyone’s obsessed with your dad_

  
  


She wasn’t expecting Dan to take the bait, and she really didn’t.

_jesus christ, al_

_ok i’ll tell him_

_ur bringing anyone w u?_

  
  


Allison thought of Renee. Too fucking soon, she decided, even if they  _did_ end up being something.

  
  


_Nah_

_I’ll bring the drinks tho_

_cool thx I knew I could count on u_

_hey on that note_

_could u pick david up from school on wednesday? I have practice til late and matt has a thing w his mom_

_if u cant its fine I’ll just ask neil_

  
  


There was a good chance that seeing Renee at a preschool after the night they’d just spent would be awkward as hell, but it was a chance of seeing her nonetheless, and Allison didn’t feel inclined to pass on that. Besides, she wasn’t the greatest with kids, but she was still better than Neil. She wasn’t going to subject David to a boring evening with uncle Neil just because she was afraid of uncomfortable silence and tricky conversation with a girl.

  
  


_Yeah, sure, I can pick him up_

  
  


_thx al ur the best xx_

  
  


During her conversation with Dan, Allison had gotten another text from Renee, this time a picture of her and her dog. It was the cutest, most adorable thing Allison had ever seen, and she couldn’t help but smile. Maybe seeing her again wouldn’t even be awkward, after all. Maybe it would be nice, and things would work out just fine for them, for a change.

***

It was awkward. It was so much more awkward than Allison had predicted.

It started with the completely panicked look on Renee’s face when she saw Allison approaching. Allison was a little late for pick-up, per usual, so there weren’t a lot of people around to see it, and the expression only lasted for a split second; soon enough, the polite smile was back, but Allison couldn’t feel the warmth of it in the same way. Instead, she felt her stomach drop and her hands start to sweat as she made her way towards Renee. David was playing with another boy a few feet away, but she figured saying hello to his teacher first was the least she could do.

To her credit, Renee didn’t run away, even if she looked like she wanted to. She stayed put and her and Allison stared at each other for a long second, until Allison said, with what she hoped was a cocky smile:

“I suppose you knew I was coming to pick David up?”

Wordlessly, Renee nodded, waving her clipboard. Allison sighted. She felt the smile slip away from her, giving place to a slight frown.

“Look, I’m sorry to show up at your workplace like that. I’m sure that’s not the most pleasant surprise you’ve ever had, but David’s parents asked me to come and I couldn’t just…”

“I’m not upset to see you”, Renee interrupted her. Allison raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you sure  _look_ upset to see me.”

Renee glanced around; there were no other parents within earshot, but she lowered her voice anyway.

“It’s not that. I mean, I wanted to see you. I just…” She made a frustrated gesture with her hands, one that didn’t fit Allison’s first impression of her. It was the first time she looked anything less than calm. “I didn’t know. That you were David’s aunt, I mean.”

For a second, all Allison could do was stare at her.  Then, the words started sinking in, and she couldn’t tell if she was more offended, confused or disappointed.

“We met”, she said, trying to keep her voice level. “Literally a week before.”

“I meet a lot of parents and relatives”, Renee said, in an apologetic tone. 

Allison couldn’t believe it. Admittedly, it was an ego thing - one simply didn’t  _forget_ they had met Allison Reynolds, both because she was a celebrity and because of who she was, as a person. She  _always_ made an impression. If not for her strong personality and quick tongue, people always remembered her for her flawless looks, at least. Hell, she would’ve been glad even if Renee had remembered for embarrassing herself by looking like she hated children, or for being inexplicably rude to a kindergarten teacher.

She thought back to her night with Renee, trying to remember if they had ever used each other’s names. She had called Renee’s name, that she was sure of it, but she couldn’t remember them introducing themselves. Allison hadn’t thought it necessary, and, apparently, Renee hadn’t had a problem going home with someone whose name she didn’t even know. Allison suddenly felt very stupid. Here she was, daydreaming about taking Renee to her family barbecue, and all the while Renee didn’t even remember who she was.

Renee was looking at her like she was one of the kids about to throw a tantrum, with a concerned frown and a bitten lip. It was unfairly cute. Allison tried not to look too hurt.

“Oh”, she said. Stupidly, because she was _stupid,_ apparently _._ “Okay.”

“Sorry”, Renee said. She bit her lip again, seeming to debate something internally, and added: “I don’t think I would have approached you, if I knew.”

“I’m not a mom, Renee.” Was Renee forbidden to date her students’ parents? Didn’t seem to match all Allison had seen on TV, but she wasn’t sure. Before Renee could answer, another hypothesis came to her: “Is this like, a homphobia thing? ‘Cause it’s not like I’m gonna go running to the school principal to tell him.”

Surprisingly, Renee laughed at that, shaking her head. The sound made Allison’s heart do a funny thing in her chest, which she ignored deliberately.

“It’s not that. And I know you wouldn’t tell the principal.”

“I didn’t even tell Dan and Matt” Remembering the comment about meeting too many parents to remember, Allison added: “David’s parents.”

“I know Dan”, Renee said, and smiled at Allison’s expression at that. “Sorry! I do see her pretty much every day, you know. I only saw you once.”

Oh, wow. It kept getting worse.

“ I can’t believe I’m so unworthy of notice”, she said, without thinking about it. She hoped it sounded like a joke, because Renee laughed again. She seemed to be finding Allison’s outrage very funny.

“You’re not”, she assured her. “You’re very remarkable, actually. I did remember you. I just didn’t know you were… You.”

That didn’t make a lot of sense, but Allison would take anything she could get. She nodded, deciding this wasn’t the most important thing at the moment. She could dwell on her unworthiness of notice later.

“Why, then? Why wouldn’t you have done it, I mean.”

Renee considered the question, tilting her head to the side slightly. Allison got the impression she was trying to think of something that wouldn’t hurt Allison’s feelings, which was both endearing and infuriating.

“Those are two sides of my life I try to keep separated”, she said, finally. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes scanned Allison’s face, carefully gauging her reaction. Allison tried to remain neutral. Her first instinct was to say this was a dumb reason, but, on a second thought, she had to admit she couldn’t really blame Renee. If she was a kindergarten teacher, she also wouldn’t want to mix children’s relatives with nightclub life. 

“Hey, I get it.” Allison forced herself to smile teasingly. “You don’t want random hookups to show up at your school with hickeys while you’re trying to play all nice and responsible in front of the kids.”

She got a little thrill out of the way Renee’s gaze traveled to her neck for a second. There were no obvious hickeys there, and, even if there had been, Allison would’ve covered them up before going to a preschool, because she wasn’t a moron, but the idea was enough to make Renee swallow almost imperceptibly. 

“Not how I would’ve put it”, she said. “But yes, something like that.”

Allison really,  _really_ wanted to make a completely workplace inappropriate comment right there, but she refrained. It wouldn’t help her case, and, besides,  _she wasn’t a fucking moron._

“Well, it’s a pity, really.”, she said, instead. “I really enjoyed our night together.”

“I did, too”, Renee replied. “I want you to know that.”

Allison knew. She’d heard.

“But I shouldn’t expect a repetition?” When Renee just looked at her, eyes wide and honest and apologetic, her bottom lip caught between their teeth, Allison sighed. “A pity, really. Should I delete your number, then?”

Renee answered after a moment of hesitation:

“I don’t see why we can’t be friends?”

That was some weird logic, but Allison took the opportunity.

“Sure, I’d love that.”

She was glad David chose this moment to come running towards them, because she wasn’t sure of what to say next.  Allison waved at Renee and turned to talk to the kid, but she could feel Renee’s eyes on her back all the way to the exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am never writing people texting in english again, hated it, RIP  
> Next chapter will feature everyone's children, grumpy grandpa Wymack and more gay shit (and more insight into why Renee's being so weird about this whole situation), so I'm really looking forward to that one (I have no more classes to write during this week though so that one might take a bit longer lol)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have SO MUCH STUFF to do for college, so, naturally, I wrote gay fanfiction instead and pretended it was somehow related to my English and Translation assignments lmao
> 
> This chapter was pretty much just so I could write about the Foxes with children, don't @ me

Wymack’s barbecues were sort of legendary. They didn’t happen too often - usually, when he wanted to get his former players together, Wymack decided for something simpler, like having them over to watch an Exy game, and it was common to have at least two absent members on those occasions, since their schedules didn’t always line up. A barbecue, though? They all did their best to not miss it, even Andrew, as much as he would deny it afterwards. 

The barbecues were also one of those things that had actually gotten better after they all had kids. Wymack acted very much like a grumpy grandfather, as much as he refused to admit it, and the kids absolutely adored him. The only one to actually call him grandpa was Kayleigh, Kevin’s four year-old - the others called him Wymack, and David sometimes called him “coach” –, but that didn’t seem to make a difference. It was very clear that Wymack loved all of them too, even when he was mumbling about them breaking his furniture or yelling at them to get out of his lawn, like the old man he was (although he refused to admit that, too).

It was a sort of domestic bliss Allison wasn’t used to, sitting on Wymack and Abby’s backyard on a warm spring afternoon, while David, Kayleigh and Lukas – Nicky’s oldest – convinced Dan to play Exy with them and Matt and Katelyn discussed names for the twins and Andrew looked annoyed at Nicky for making him hold his baby Miguel for a minute so he could find his phone to take pictures. Three or four years ago, Allison would have never given Andrew a baby to hold. Now, he had held Kayleigh and David and Lukas, and would probably be one of the firsts to hold Aaron’s twins. Allison could imagine Nicky wanting pictures of that, too, Aaron and Andrew each holding an identical baby, both looking resentfully at him and refusing to smile for the camera. It would be a great picture, and Katelyn would put it in an album so the kids could look at it when they were older. 

In days like this, Allison tried not to dwell too much on how those happy adults she saw now hadn’t thought that they would live past twenty-one. But it still hit her hard every time, to think that they had eventually gotten there. She didn’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a child of her own or loving parents, but she had  _that,_ and, sometimes, Allison couldn’t believe she’d gotten that lucky.

Something must have shown on her face, because Neil, who was sitting besides her, poked her with his elbow.

“You’re looking happy.”

Allison rolled his eyes at him.

“Contrary to what you think, people are allowed to be happy, Neil.”

Neil took a bite from the sausage on his plate and stared at her while chewing, seeing unconvinced. He’d always had that judgmental way of looking at people, but Allison could’ve swore that spending so much time with Andrew was making it worse.

“So this has nothing to do with that girl you were fawning over?”

“You’re not a Victorian dame. Stop saying ‘fawning’.”

A few feet away, there was a small cry; Kayleigh had fallen and apparently scraped her knee, and was being as dramatic about it as most 4 year-olds would. Allison watched, sipping her expensive wine, as Kevin rushed over to kneel on the floor next to her and talk to her in a comforting tone. Kevin hadn’t _meant_ to get Thea pregnant, not right when their relationship was falling apart and his career as a professional Exy player had just started  taking off, but he made a surprisingly good dad these days. Allison could only imagined how many late night panicked calls to Wymack it had taken  for  him to get to this point: knowing exactly what to say, calmly picking Kayleigh up to carry her inside to clean the cut, and not looking scared or uncomfortable at all with the fact that there was a 4 year-old girl who looked exactly like him clinging to his neck desperately  while screaming her lungs out . 

The commotion caused Miguel to start crying, and Andrew promptly returned him to Nicky, who looked unconcerned but a little tired. Erik had been in Germany since the week prior, and Allison couldn’t imagine that being alone with a 7 year-old and a baby to take care of was a great stress relief. 

“The point still stands”, Neil said, unperturbed. “Is it about the girl or not?”

It had been a week since the conversation with Renee, and Allison had been trying her best not to think about it. Which had been hard, since Renee had texted her a couple times to see how she was doing, a sweet gesture that made Allison feel like even more of a complete idiot, like Renee legitimately thought she would be broken hearted and crying because of a one night stand. Had she acted like she would? She sure hoped not.

Allison was a polite person, though, so she had texted back, and, in turn, asked how Renee was doing. She knew she was fine, but it was a good way to make conversation, and they had ended up chatting for quite a while. All in all, Allison wasn’t mad at Renee, but she wasn’t exactly happy, either. It seemed like they could actually be friends. Which wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t  _great._ She sighed.

“I’m not smiling because of a girl”, she answered, finally. Neil tilted his head to the side.

“So I imagine that didn’t work out.”

“Not like I wanted it to, certainly” Allison ran her perfect nail over the edge of her glass. “She said she didn’t want to mix personal and professional. Whatever the fuck  _that_ means.”

Neil started answering, but was interrupted by a little ball of energy in the form of Lukas running towards them, followed closely by David and a breathless looking Dan.

“Uncle Neil”, Lukas yelled. He was always yelling, it seemed, and Allison blamed Nicky for it a hundred percent. “Will you play with us? We only have three people now. I’m alone in my team, that’s not fair!”

“And was it fair to have a former captain on your team, to begin with?” Neil asked, not without kindness, glancing at Dan. She rolled her eyes, pulling a chair closer so she could collapse on it.

“It is  _so_ unfair”, she agreed. “These kids can  _run,_ Neil.”

“And you can’t?” Allison teased. “You’re getting old, Wilds.”

Usually, Dan would have argued or at least given her the finger, but she couldn’t do rude gestures around the kids, so she just shot her a dirty look. 

“Mom, if you don’t play anymore, we only have three again”, David complained. 

“I’ll play with you” It was Matt, jogging over to them. Allison had no idea he had been listening, but she had found out parents were weirdly attuned to their kids’ voices. If David needed something, didn’t matter if Matt was across the room, many feet away or on the other side of the planet, he would know about it and would find a way to fix it. He leaned down to kiss Dan on her sweaty cheek. “I’ve got this, babe. I’ll prove Miss Reynolds we’ve still got it” He turned to look at David and smiled. “C’mon, kid, let’s show them how it’s done.”

The way Dan looked at him was so lov ing  it bordered on infuriating.

“We’ll see about that”, Neil said, high-fiving Lukas. He glanced over to Allison on his way to the improvised field. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, Reynolds. We’ll talk about your girl later.”

He turned around before he could see Allison rolling his eyes at him. 

Allison poured Dan a glass of wine, which she accepted gratefully. They watched Matt, Neil and the kids play in silence for a while, quietly listening to the conversations around them. Aaron had been roped into  taking a selfie with Nicky and Katelyn. He seemed only mildly annoyed, and Allison was glad they had someone to remember to immortalize those days, because, if it was up to him, his kids would never have a family picture.

Finally, Dan broke the silence, sounding offended:

“So you  _aren’t_ gonna tell me about your girl?”

Oh. Right. The cat was out of the bag, now, she guessed. So much for a friend that didn’t spill your secrets.

“I wasn’t going to”, she admitted, because there was no point lying to Dan, even if she knew Dan was going to be overdramatic about it.

“This is  _shocking,_ Allison”, Dan said, raising a hand to her chest like she was clutching her pearls. “I am  _shocked._ Do you not love me anymore? Are we not friends? Have you forgotten our history?”

Allison rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. Dan had had the exact same reaction when she’d found out Allison was dating Seth Gordon in college; it was good to know some things never changed. 

“ No, I don’t love you anymore. Go away.” She sighed. “Of course I  _wanted_ to tell you, Dan. I just didn’t think… Well, to be honest, I didn’t think I should, more for her sake than for mine.”

Dan frowned.

“Please, don’t make me guess. I have no idea what on Earth you could possibly be talking about.” She turned to look at Allison, took a sip of her wine, and immediately started guessing. “Are you in some kind of trouble? Is she married? Or like, a celebrity? Even more of a celebrity than you are, I mean.” Dan gasped, looked around and leaned forward, lowering her voice. “ _Please_ tell me you don’t have a mob girlfriend. Allison, I swear to God, if you’re dating someone from the fucking _mob,_ I will…”

“Jesus Christ, Dan” Allison  didn’t know if she was amused or horrified by the fact Dan had actually considered that possibility. She wasn’t surprised, weirdly enough. She already had an ex-mob-ish friend, after all. She guessed that the mob had become more or less commonplace for the former Palmetto University Foxes. “I don’t have a mob girlfriend. I’m not Andrew.”

The man in question looked up at her to the sound of his name, but quickly diverted his attention back to baby Miguel, who was back on his lap and kept pulling at his black armbands. Nicky was nowhere to be seen, and he seemed to have gotten stuck with babysitting duties for the moment.

“What’s the big deal, then?” Dan asked. 

Allison wondered if Renee would be upset if she told Dan. She had promised not to tell the school principal, but that wasn’t the same thing, right? Dan was one of the cool parents. She wouldn’t mind knowing her kid’s teacher was a lesbian (or bisexual, or - well, Allison hadn’t really asked), and she knew teachers were allowed to have personal lives, even if these personal lives did involve going to nightclubs, getting wasted and having one night stands. 

Either way, there was no backing down now. She apologized mentally to Renee, took a long sip of her wine and said:

“It’s David’s teacher.”

For a long second, Dan just stared blankly at her. Then, her eyes went wide, and she said:

“Miss Renee?”

Allison winced a bit at the name.

“Just Renee, for me, I suppose.”

Dan didn’t seem too grossed out or alarmed, which was always a good sign. In fact she had an incredulous smile starting to form, like this was the greatest gossip she’d ever heard. Allison really shouldn’t have been surprised, but she felt a rush of relief nonetheless.

“Oh my  _God_ ”, Dan said. “That is so much better than a mob girlfriend. Renee? Really?”

“What’s hard to believe about that?” Allison sounded a bit more defensive than she had intended to, but she couldn’t help it. “She’s pretty, she’s an adult…”

“She’s just so… Nice.”

It was Allison’s time to stare at Dan, except her stare was cold and full of judgment, daring her friend to go on.

“So?”

Dan was used to the icy stare and didn’t even flinch. She raised her hands almost apologetically.

“Well, that’s not really your type, is it? I mean, your previous partners haven’t been exactly nice, in the orthodox meaning of the word.”

Worst part was she wasn’t wrong. Allison did have a knack for going for people who would hurt her and let her hurt them in the same measure, which meant a lot of getting stuck in vicious cycles of sudden euphoria followed by periods in which she swore she would never touch another person’s lips in her life.  Dan, of course, had been there to witness the longest of those: Seth Gordon, her on-and-off college boyfriend. She had seen the peaks and valleys of their relationship and decided Seth was a garbage person who didn’t deserve her best friend.

It wasn’t fair, really - Seth had his problems, sure, but so did Allison, and she had really liked him, or at least she had thought she did. Once upon a time, Allison had even daydreamed about marrying him, and having the easy domestic life all of her friends had. But that had quickly changed when real world hit her and she realized that Dan was right, her and Seth were a match made in Hell, not Heaven, and they would gradually grow to hate each other if they stayed together any longer. They were just too young. Not the “love can’t wait once you’ve found it” kind of young, like Dan and Matt, or the “live fast and hold tight to what little love you can find because life is horrible” young that Neil and Andrew were. Not even Nicky and Erik’s “we’re young but we’ve been together for most of our lives so we know we’re right for each other”. Just too young. “Hasty decisions will ruin your entire life, and you’re too dumb to decide these things just yet” kind of young.

She had no idea where Seth was, now, but she hoped he was also chatting up some cute girl somewhere. One that could keep him in check in the way Allison had never quite managed.

In hindsight, yes, it  _was_ a bit unusual that Allison had felt so drawn towards a kindergarten teacher with the sweetest smile she’d ever seen and the softest voice she’d ever heard. There was something else there, though, something under all of that that Allison had gotten a glimpse of during her night together. There was the soft spoken Renee that talked nicely to kids and was gentle about letting people down slowly, but there was also the Renee that had dyed her hair, gotten a bunch of tattoos and piercings and left dark bruises in the shape of fingers on Allison’s thighs.  _That_ was what Allison wanted to see more of. 

However, she wasn’t going to tell Dan that, not with a bunch of children around. Instead, she said:

“Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter. Turns out I’m not really her type either, since I’m sort of related to one of her students.”

She quickly explained her conversation with Renee,  and Dan made a face, not without any sympathy.

“That’s tough, babe. It’s her loss, though. I mean, who would pass up on a woman like you?”

Allison smirked.

“Careful, Wilds, or your man might get jealous.”

Dan leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, the same way she used to do after Allison had helped her with homework or brought liquor to their dorm back at Palmetto. The memory made Allison’s heart hurt.

“Matt knows part of my heart is yours, Al.”

He did, and Allison knew, too. And part of her heart was Dan’s, too. They all had a little piece of her: Dan, Matt, Nicky, the twins, Neil, Kevin. Wymack and Abby, and the kids, too. Even Katelyn and Erik. It was weird, she thought, how much she had given them without even thinking about it. Allison Reynolds, of all people, who had always thought she would never belong anywhere, who believed no one would ever truly know here. And yet there she was, surrounded by her family, who knew her better than she knew herself. What a wild thought.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, a welcome distraction from the sudden burst of feelings in her chest. Even more welcome because it was a text from Renee,  a picture of a plate full of pancakes even though it was the middle of the afternoon.

_It’s not breakfast,_ read the caption.  _But I thought you’d appreciate them anyway._

Allison couldn’t help but smile at the screen and hope no one noticed. Of course, Dan did, but she only gave her a knowing smile and drank her wine quietly.

_I do._ And then, because Allison Reynolds never gave up:  _You really should let me take you out for breakfast one day, though. I know the BEST place._ And then, after a little consideration:  _Doesn’t have to be a thing. I mean. Let’s have, like, friend brunch or smth._

The answer takes too long, and Allison’s about to show the text thread to Dan and ask her if she fucked up when Renee finally replies:

_That sounds lovely._

It was only three words, none of them what Allison really wanted to hear, and still made her stomach flutter and her smile widen.

_It’s a date, then._

_I mean, not a DATE, date. You know what I mean._

God, at this rate, she’ll be lucky if Renee doesn’t take her for a complete idiot.

***

It really started out as friend brunch. They met up at the bakery down the street from Allison’s apartment, they ordered pancakes, they sat down and they talked like normal people. Conversation subjects varied from what crazy thing one of Renee’s students had told her lately to how Allison got into fashion design. Renee listened attentively while Allison told her about Palmetto State, her Exy days, and all of her teammates – specially Dan and Matt. She laughed when Allison told her about how they used to sneak out of their dorms to get drunk on their roof, and Allison thought once again that she wouldn’t mind telling her all her embarrassing young adult stories if it meant hearing that laugh again.

Then, something shifted. Allison  couldn’t tell exactly what or why, but it  was undeniable that it happen ed . Suddenly, she c aught Renee’s eyes drifting towards her lips when she t ook a bite of the pancake, s aw the way she swallow ed almost imperceptibly, the way her fingers twitch ed on top of the table like she wanted to  reach out for her. And she started wondering if Renee could tell how much she wanted to kiss her, to taste the little chocolate stain on the corner of her mouth and travel downwards from there.

It didn’t end as friend brunch. It ended with Renee back in Allison’s bed, in Allison’s arms, a tangle of limbs and shared breath and unspoken words. It ended with Allison wondering if that was the smart decision to make, and deciding that, as long as she had Renee like that, she didn’t very much care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did i use the word "fawning" right? Who knows!  
> I'm not sure of how long, exactly, this will be, but hopefully not much longer than 6 chapters lol we shall see


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been absolutely SWAMPED by college stuff... So i wrote fanfiction about lesbians instead lmao  
> There's a good chance the last bit is a bit messy because I was writing it in English class and i kept getting words mixed (i'd never written in English while listening to people talk about something else in English and DO NOT recommend), but lmk if i messed it up too much.

This was a bad idea.

It was  _good,_ of course, in the sense that it  _felt_ good. The kisses, the hands clutching at bare skin, the heat of someone else’s body surrounding her, the domestic bliss of waking up next to someone, even if she hadn’t stayed the night, even if it was the middle of the day and they had only taken a post-coital nap. The lingering taste of pancakes in her mouth, the lingering taste of Allison, the lipstick smudges on her neck and down her chest where Allison had kissed her before getting on her knees and looking up like Renee was the most holy thing on the entire Earth.

Oh, God. Now, it was  _blasphemous,_ too.

In the moment, when they had started kissing, it hadn’t seem like a bad idea. There had been no concern in that first impulse that had led their lips to meet for the first time, no doubt in the way their bodies had intertwined under the sheets, no questions asked in the warm afterglow, when they had just lied there staring at each other in silence before drifting off. Sleep had washed away the remaining haze from the aftermath, though, and now, one arm slung around Allison’s waist, heart thrumming against Allison’s back, this was all that Renee could think about: this was a bad idea. A terrible one, even. 

It wasn’t even the kindergarten stuff, not really. Yes, Renee did try to maintain her personal and professional life as separate as possible, mostly because parents were stupid about teachers and didn’t take well on knowing that their kids were being taught by someone who wasn’t a flawless, sexless and a 100% pure being, and it was hard enough to earn their trust, with the hair and the piercings and the tattoos. 

(In her defense, Renee had gotten the tattoos way before teaching had even been a possibility, so there was nothing to be done about them except suffering the consequences of the actions of a 16 year-old that didn’t know there would be consequences for her actions. She _could_ have gotten rid of the piercings and the hair, she supposed, but, as much as she refused to admit it, Renee was still struggling to find her place in the world as the New Renee, and those were the only things of the Old Renee she could cling to without causing further damage to herself or others.

Plus, she liked how they made her look.  _Allison_ liked how they made her look.)

Allison wasn’t even a parent. Allison wouldn’t care that her nephew’s teacher had a life, and, if Allison’s sister - Renee assumed they were sisters, even if they didn’t look anything alike - got along with her, she wouldn’t mind, either. They could be civilized when Allison needed to show up at school, and there was no rule against it. It would be unusual, sure, but Renee was an unusual person in almost every sense of the world. 

Which was exactly the problem. She had - well, calling it “baggage” seemed at the same time overdramatic and insufficient. Renee wasn’t ready, that was all. Not for the longing stares, not for holding someone in her arms as carefully as she was holding Allison now, not for the way Allison had kissed her, like the world was about to end and Renee was the only thing holding it together. Sleeping together twice and a couple of text messages didn’t even come near to making them a couple, but Renee could see it happening, in the future, as inevitable as a car crash, and that was the scariest part. 

She should leave. She really,  _really_ should leave.

Allison stirred when Renee motioned to get up. Renee froze, hoping that she hadn’t woken up, but no such luck.

“Are you running away again?” Allison didn’t sound like she had just woken up. The sleepiness laced around her tone didn’t make the words sound any less sharp, any less accusatory. Renee tried to smile.

“I need to use the bathroom”, she lied. “Plus, I think it’s kinda late. We’d better get up soon, anyway.”

It was very clear that Allison didn’t believe her. She didn’t turn around, so Renee couldn’t see her face, but it was very evident on her tone.

“Alright. Well, you know the way out.”

Renee thought about how she had slipped away in the early hours of the morning after that first night and felt her stomach twist in a knot. If it was guilt, or regret, or just the generic awfulness she always felt after having hurt someone, she couldn’t tell. There it was, her easy way out - Allison was already mad at her for leaving, she could just up and go with no worse consequences, and they would never talk about this again. 

Renee could feel the tension on Allison’s back. She sat up, hoping that putting some physical distance between them would make things easier somehow.

“Allison…”

“It’s not a big deal” This time, Allison did turn to face her, long blonde hair falling around her face and framing the nonchalant expression there. “I mean, we’ve  _all_ sneaked out of someone’s bed before they could wake up. I’m not gonna cry a river over that.”

There was honesty in her voice, which made Renee feel a little stupid. Allison wasn’t  _in love_ with her. As far as Renee knew, she had no reason to be concerned about emotional involvement. They could be friends, right? Friends with benefits? Or just… acquaintances with benefits, even. She thought Allison would like that. She had no real reason to panic.

It was just. It had been  _so long_ since the last time Renee had been intimate with someone. Maybe she was overreacting a little.

“I know”, she said, softly. “I didn’t think you would.”

“I would probably leave, too”, Allison added, quietly, after a moment of consideration. “If we were at your place. I mean, pillow talk is so awfully awkward when you don’t know the person.”

Something in her tone made the mood slightly lighter, and Renee smiled.

“I think we do know each other a little bit, Allison.”

“Did you mean that as a sexual innuendo? Cause I can totally go with that.”

“No, though I suppose we do know each other in that way. I mean, you know” Renee made a vague gesture with her hands. “We’ve talked. On the phone, and over brunch.”

Allison stared at her in silence for a long moment. Renee was usually good at reading people’s expressions, but, at that moment, she couldn’t read hers. It was puzzled, almost, closer to cold analysis than it was to emotional confusion.

“I don’t know anything about you”, Allison said, matter-of-factly. It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t an accusation. “I don’t think you want me to.”

It was hard not to get defensive or make up an excuse or come up with a fake background that made things easier, but Renee managed it somehow. She couldn’t tell Allison anything now - “I was in a gang, then I went to juvie, then I got adopted and became a Christian and now I’m doing my best to wash the blood off of my hands even though I know it will never truly go away” wasn’t something anyone wanted to hear on a second not-exactly-date –, but she’d made a promise to her foster mom, many years ago, that she wouldn’t lie about her story anymore, and she was intent on keeping it. 

“There are many things about you I don’t know, either”, Renee replied, instead. Allison blinked, frowning a little.

“I’ve told you, like, a thousand embarrassing stories about my life. What else do you know to know?”

It was becoming obvious that Renee wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon, so, with a sigh, she fell back on the bed, laying on her back and turning her head to face Allison. Their faces were mere inches apart like this, and it took a lot of self control not to cross that distance to start a new make-out session. Surely, it would be easier than  _talking._

“I don’t know. For example, you haven’t told me anything about Dan.”

Allison huffed.

“Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t want to think about your students’ parents.”

“I didn’t. I’m curious, though. You two seem close, but not like…”

Renee trailed off, suddenly feeling silly for asking. It wasn’t a great move, to be in bed with a girl asking her about another girl she barely even knew, but she couldn’t help it; she was curious. Allison  _had_ talked about Dan, and Matt, and their extensive group of friends that involved children, young adults and old men, and Renee couldn’t help but wonder what that felt like. She’d been in groups before - first, the gang, then, her foster family, and finally church -, but she couldn’t imagine herself talking about any of them the way Allison talked about her little found family.

“We’re not sisters, if that’s what you mean”, Allison said. Her tone was stern, like she was gearing up for an argument about it. “I’m not  _really_ David’s aunt, I suppose. I’m his godmother, though, because Dan wanted him to get baptized, and they needed… Well, I don’t really know. It’s a Brazilian thing, I think. Or maybe a Catholic thing?” She made a pause. “But I’m not  _technically_ his anything. If that makes you feel any better.”

“I wasn’t thinking about that”, Renee countered. “And, for what’s worth, I think you’re Dan’s sister in any way that matters.”

Maybe Allison could feel the tinge of sadness in her voice, because her expression softened a little.

“You don’t have siblings, do you?”

“No.”

“Me neither.” Allison paused again, looking like she was weighing words in her head. “I don’t have anyone but them. Dan and Matt, I mean, and the others. I don’t know where I’d been if I hadn’t found them.”

“They seem like more than enough” Renee wasn’t sure why she was almost whispering, but somehow it seemed fitting. The corner of Allison’s mouth quirked up.

“Yeah, well. I’d have room for more.”

That broke the spell that seemed to have fallen over the room during their conversation. Renee got up more abruptly than she would’ve liked, made an excuse about the bathroom again, and quickly made her exit. She thought she could feel Allison’s stare on her back all the way to the hallway, but she couldn’t tell if it was angry or disappointed or affected at all. 

Renee did go to the bathroom, mostly to throw some water on her face and tell herself to wake up. She really needed to get going, both because of the Emotional Stuff and because she really needed to walk the dog before he got restless and started chewing on the furniture. At the same time, she didn’t  _want_ to leave. Talking to Allison was nice, even if it was as just friends. (Or acquaintances that had just slept together for the second time in the span of two weeks.)

When Renee went back to the room, Allison was sitting on the bed in a t-shirt and underwear, typing on her phone. She looked up while Renee started looking for her clothes and getting dressed, but didn’t stare or comment on it.

Finally, when Renee had gathered all of her stuff, she hovered awkwardly near the bed until Allison put the phone aside to really look at her, one eyebrow raised in question. 

“I have to go”, she said, in a tone that was maybe a bit more apologetic than she had intended on it being. She smiled in a way that, hopefully, would be more playful than anything. “I’m not running away, though. I promise.”

“You have stuff to do, and so do I”, Allison agreed pleasantly. “I do have to ask you one last question, though. Don’t worry”, she added, when Renee tensed up minimally. “Since you seem so adamant on not telling me anything about you or your life, and always change the subject back to me somehow, I’ve given up on that. For now.”

Renee felt her cheeks heat up, but she couldn’t say Allison was wrong, so she didn’t say anything. Allison kept her silence for a few more moments, as if to make sure the words had sunk in, then ask, in a tone that indicated she was trying to be very casual about ripping of a band-aid even if it stung a little:

“Will I see you again like this?”

Ah, yes, there it was – the elephant in the room. Renee measured her words carefully.

“Do you want to see me again like this?”

Allison scoffed, an incredulous smile starting to form on her lips.

“Do you really need to make me say it? Yes, Jesus, Renee. Of course I wanna see you again like this. You’re the one that’s been… I don’t wanna say  _running away,_ but I also sort of do, because that’s what you’ve been doing, isn’t it? Running from me?”

Once again, she was right, and Renee felt a sudden burst of anger at herself. She didn’t  _run_ from things, be it rival gangs, death threats, men armed with guns and knives, confession or the consequences of her actions. She squared her shoulders and made a point of looking Allison in the eyes.

“Then, yeah. I think you’ll see me again.”

She should’ve known Allison would catch the difference.

“Yes, I will see you.”, she said, sounding impatient. Renee always imagined Allison had been a spoiled child, used to getting things her way and on her time, and a little of that showed in this moment. It should be infuriating, but Renee thought it was kind of cute. “Will it be like this, though, or will it be me picking David up from school and pretending I don’t know you?”

It really should’ve been easier to answer. If Renee was a normal person, it would have been. Instead, it took her a good minute to find the words for what she wanted to say. There were two things that Renee took very seriously, and that didn’t come out of her mouth very often. One of them, as proven before, was lies. The other one was promises.

“It won’t be you pretending you don’t know me”, she said, finally, quietly. “I can assure you that.”

For a second, she thought Allison would push fore a firmer answer, but she just held Renee’s gaze for a moment longer and nodded slowly, like they had just had a mutual agreement. And maybe they had; Renee couldn’t tell what was going through Allison’s mind.

“I’ll take it”, Allison decided. Then, she opened a teasing smile. “Do I get a goodbye kiss?”

Renee couldn’t tell her no. She leaned in, and Allison leaned up, and what was supposed to be a chaste and quick kiss turned into a hungry and long one, until Renee had to force herself to let go of Allison, laughing when Allison pouted and made a comment that sounded like a very calculated sexual innuendo.

“I’m sorry”, Renee said, and she wasn’t very surprised to find out she really was. “I really need to go. I’ll see you around?”

It was an awkward way to say goodbye, but Allison didn’t seem to mind. She gave Renee one last head-to-toe look, biting her lower lip.

“Well”, she replied. “You know where to find me.”

When Renee finally walked out of the apartment, going there wasn’t feeling like such a bad idea, after all. Which was incredibly more dangerous.

***

The week went on as usual, excpet that now Renee checked her texts a lot more and thought of Allison every time David talked to her. When she greeted Dan on Monday after class, she couldn’t help but try to imagine a younger version of her talking and drinking with a younger version of Allison, both of them on court together, the kind of friendship Renee had always craved and never gotten. She’d played Exy in college, too, but not professionally, and certainly not with a team that got together for barbecues even years after graduation. She’d also played it in juvie, but she didn’t even want to remember  _that._

It felt a little wrong, too, that she knew so much about Dan and Dan didn’t even know she knew – or maybe she did. There was a glint in Dan’s eyes when she jogged over, beckoning for David to join her on the way. Renee wasn’t sure what it meant, but she knew it hadn’t been there before.

“Sorry I’m late”, Dan said, which also made Renee think of Allison, even though Dan couldn’t have been more than ten minutes late.

David was still busy playing with one of his classmates, not even seeming to notice his mom’s arrival. He was one of the most independent kids in the class, being able to do most assignments on his own, and liked helping the others. Renee was always telling him he’d be a good teacher, but he always replied he wanted to be an Exy player like his dad. Renee had met Matt a couple times before, but she had never really followed professional Exy, and had no idea which team he played for.

“No problem at all”, Renee replied, smiling pleasantly. Dan returned the smile.

“Well, David doesn’t seem to have missed me” She turned to where her son was running in circles with a bunch of other kids. “ _Filho!_ Time to go!”

David pouted, but started running towards them. Dan turned her attention back to Renee, shaking her head.

“They don’t ever get tired, do they? I tried playing Exy with him and his cousins this weekend and, let me tell you, it was the toughest test of endurance I’ve ever been through.”

Renee wondered who were the cousins in question. Allison had talked so much about her family that she almost felt like she already knew them.

“Yeah, they have a lot of energy”, she agreed. “David’s a very active kid.”

“He takes after his father. I couldn’t keep up with him for more than five minutes” Dan snapped her fingers at David when he got distracted by a classmate on his way, and he immediately went back to walking. “It’s his birthday in a couple weeks, right, and Matt wanted to throw this huge party, because apparently rich people do that, but I have  _no_ idea how we’re gonna keep all of those kids entertained.”

“Oh, it’s not so bad. They pretty much entertain themselves when they’re together.”

“I hope so. I don’t know how you do it every day.” 

David had finally reached them, and was now clinging to Dan’s leg, while she absently petted his hair. It was one of the things that always intrigued Renee, the little interactions between parents and children, so full of love and appreciation, so automatic and instinctive they didn’t even realize what they were doing. Renee didn’t think she had _quite_ that with her foster mom, not in the way you’d have with someone you’d known all your life, but she figured it was close enough that it didn’t matter.

“I like doing it”, she said, sincerely. She smiled down at David. “Specially when it’s a good kid like David.”

David smiled brightly at her, with the openness that only a six year-old could manage, and tugged at the hem of Dan’s shirt.

“ _Mamãe,_ can Miss Renee come to my party? Please?”

Dan and Renee exchanged an amused look.

“Well, I’m sure Miss Renee doesn’t spend enough time with y’all during the whole five days of the week she spends with you”, Dan said, and of course David missed the sarcasm. His little face lit up, and Dan laughed. “I guess the invitation stands, Miss Renee. If you want to.” She hesitated for a second, then added a little more quietly: “I’m sure we’d  _all_ be happy to have you.”

There was no doubt that “all” meant Allison, and Renee hoped she wasn’t blushing the way she could feel herself blushing. She addressed David, because little kids always seemed delighted to be treated like grown up enough for a conversation:

“I would love to go to your party, David.”

David raised his little fists in the air in victory, and Dan winked at Renee knowingly before saying her goodbyes and dragging him away, and Renee’s smile slowly faded as she realized the consequences of her actions. She had only been a kindergarten teacher for a couple of years, but she was used to being around kids most of her time, and it wouldn’t be the first kid’s birthday party she’d be attending to. This time, though, going to the party also meant mixing the two things she’d told Allison she wouldn’t mix, and even if it wasn’t disastrous, it would be awkward, to say the least. 

It would be different if her and Allison were dating, but that was a whole different rabbit hole that Renee didn’t have the time to go down into with all those kids to watch, so she put the thought aside and prayed Dan wouldn’t take much offense on a last minute cancellation.

None of this stopped Renee from texting Allison during the next few days.

On Wednesday, someone finally called her out on her dramatic approach to a very simple situation. It was Jean, like she knew it would be, because Jean kept it real, but mostly because Jean was also being very dramatic about a very simple situation, and he’d always been good at indentifying his own flaws in other people.

“I don’t understand what’s the big deal”, he said. “Don’t you like this Allison girl?”

Renee sighed. They tried to meet up for dinner at least once  a week  since Jean had moved into town, and they usually avoided the middle of the week, but Jean was going out with Jeremy that weekend and Renee was pretending she wasn’t hoping to go out with Allison, so they had agreed on meeting at the diner a few blocks from Renee’s place on a Wednesday night that time. Since it was a week night, there weren’t many people there, which only made discussing their personal lives out loud and publicly slightly easier.

“ I barely know her, Jean. It’s not like I’m in love.” Renee smiled. It wasn’t teasing, not really, but it was as close to it as she would get. “She’s no Jeremy.”

Jean shot her a dirty look.

“Don’t.”

“I’m not trying to be a bitch.”

“You are, though. This isn’t about me and Jeremy.”

“It’s the same kind of thing, isn’t it?” Renee sighed. Jean had been pinning over his newest teammate, Jeremy Knox, for the better part of a year at that point, and she’d been the first one to tell him to just go for it, but now she could see where the problem was. “I like her, I think. As far as I can tell.”

Jean frowned, taking a bite of his dinner while he considered the affirmation.

“And the fact that she’s the aunt of one of your students doesn’t bother you anymore.”

Renee thought about it. It was a weird addition to their whole thing, that was for sure, and it had the potential to go horribly for many reasons. What if they broke up eventually, and Renee still had to see Allison often because of David? What if David’s parents thought that this would mean preferential treatment to their kid, or worse, a  _bad_ treatment to their kid for personal reasons? What if the other parents had anything to say about it? 

Dan and Matt seemed like reasonable people, though, and it wasn’t like Renee could get fired for having a girlfriend (well, she could, but she could also sue the school for homophobia if that happened, which was something most principals knew and  would  rather avoid). Truth be told, Renee was well aware she was using the whole teacher thing as an excuse, an easy explanation to cover the real reasons she’d been so hesitant about Allison.

“I guess not.”

“There you have it, then” Jean pointed a french fry at her, serious. “You like her. She likes you. I don’t see where the problem is. You’re overcomplicating it.”

When he put it like that, Renee couldn’t see the problem either. She could _feel it,_ though, in the weird knot of excitement and fear thar formed in her stomach every time she thought about Allison in her arms.

“It’s never that easy for people like us, is it?”

Jean’s past was so complicated that he didn’t even mention it, so Renee didn’t know much about where he’d came from, other than he was French and had an extensive collection of scars scattered all over his skin. She also knew that whatever had happened in his past was the reason he didn’t let himself be with Jeremy, even if Jeremy looked at him like he’d hung the moon and they were very obviously in love.

Renee could relate to that. The feeling of not deserving good things, the blood that always would stain her hands and make her afraid of touching someone else – she’d been fighting all of that since her foster mom had taken her in and showed her the world could be more than blood and pain, but she didn’t think she’d gotten far enough to actually convince herself she could have a normal life. A few years ago, she would have never even talked to Allison more than once.

Now was different, though. Renee had a job, a dog, a good friend, and she slept through the night more often then not. She’ d come a long way from being sixteen and feeling like the only things she’d ever get in life had to come from pain. Maybe the timing was right.  _Maybe._

Renee was becoming more used to dealing with uncertainties and possibilities, these days.

All this crossed her mind while Jean just stared at her, like he could tell she was working through something and that her question had been rhetorical. He was as good at reading people as Renee, maybe even better. He waited until her expression changed into something more pondering than bitter to say:

“It’s not easy, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be good.”

Renee couldn’t help it; she smiled and said:

“Does that mean you’re gonna tell Jeremy about how you feel?”

Jean sighed.

“We work together. Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Jean, I swear to God” And, coming from Renee, that meant a  _lot._ “Please, stop torturing the poor guy.” Jean mumbled something about his crush being “unrequited”, and she rolled her eyes. “You’re not that oblivious. I refuse to believe you’re that oblivious.”

“Fine, then” Jean squared his jaw and reached across the table, offering Renee his hand. There was a playful glint in his eyes that didn’t show up often. “If you ask your Allison out again, I’ll talk to Jeremy. Deal?”

It was stupid, and a little childish, but Renee knew what that meant, coming from Jean. He was being supportive, but it was also a promise of sorts: they were going to get better, and they were going to  _do_ better, and they wouldn’t let whatever had happened before define their futures. Renee smiled and shook his hand.

“Deal.”

When Renee got home later, she didn’t text Allison right away, though. She sat on her couch, with her rescue dog on her lap - she’d named him Kevin, because Jean had insisted on it, although Renee had no idea why –, and called her foster mom. She didn’t mention Allison, but talking to Stephanie Walker always reminded her that good things could happen to anyone, even her, and that was something she could definitely use right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I went a little crazy at the end with the whole Jean things, but alas.   
> Special thanks to gthechangeling for being my beta for this one and for making me name Renee's dog Kevin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? Yup  
> I had to take a break from this fic to finish off the last of my college assginments and work on my Christmas fic (unfortunately, not AFTG related - maybe next year?), but now I'm on break and have finished all my other projects, so hopefully this is gonna move alone quickly lmao  
> This was supposed to be a small part of a bigger chapter, but it got away from me as usual, and I decided it was best to post it separatedly! (Which is why this fic will now have 7 chapters, instead of 6. Or 6 chapters and an epilogue, most likely.)  
> I literally just finished this and it is wildly unbetaed, so let me know if there are any mistakes.

Birthdays were a big deal in the Foxhole Family, and it was mostly Allison’s fault. Matt and Nicky were always enthusiastic about partying for whatever reason, and Kevin used to be glad to take any excuse to drink alcohol, but even they didn’t care about birthday parties that much, and the others either didn’t care for celebrations (Andrew and Aaron) or weren’t used to having them for one reason or another (Dan and Neil). 

So, it had always been up to Allison to do something for everyone’s birthday, since their college times, when she would throw them raging birthday bashes with alcohol flowing freely and the biggest cake she could buy, and plan elaborate trips for the entire group (which, admittedly, also involved a lot of alcohol and cake, but in a different location). After their graduation, if Allison herself couldn’t be there for the party/trip, she would send a plane ticket, a bottle of expensive champagne, and a gift carefully picked to suit whoever was turning a year older that day. 

Everyone told her it wasn’t necessary, and she ignored all of them. She had the money for it, and she certainly had the disposition; Allison wasn’t great at showing affection, and money and gifts ended up being her love language. It was a habit she’d picked from her parents, although she would like to think she did a better job than them at making other people understand that. She didn’t expect anything in return from anyone, either; Allison threw her own birthday parties and paid for her own expensive lifestyle, thank you very much.

This hadn’t changed at all with the arrival of the kids. In fact, it had gotten much, much worse. 

Since half of Allison’s friend circle was made of professional Exy players, her friends could usually afford their own kids’ birthday parties now, so her money wasn’t as necessary – but they still asked her to help with planning, catering, hiring, decoration, and everything else. Partly, it was because Allison had impeccable taste and knew all the best people to hire in town, but Allison knew it was also just because they knew she liked helping so much. Dan knew it better than everyone else. Since she had started dating Matt, she hadn’t needed Allison to pay for anything, but Allison had been responsible for planning every single one of David’s birthday parties up until now, and the 7 th of them wasn’t any different; Allison had been organizing it for months now.

“It’s my duty as his godmother”, she’d said. “It’s the least I can do.”

David had chosen a princess theme, which Dan believed to be completely Allison’s fault, and Allison had gone all out: inflatable castle, trampoline, snacks, entertainers – the whole package. She’d always been the type to go big or go home, after all, and if her nephew wanted a princess party, he would get the biggest, greatest, most fun princess party a kid could ever get, even if Allison needed to pay for all of it out of her own pocket (which she didn’t; Matt was more than glad to spend all of his money on David, and so was his mom). 

The party was half of the reason Allison hadn’t seen Renee in a while. Between all the planning and a particularly busy time of the year at work, she had little time for anything else. She wanted to ask Renee out, to have an actual date instead of a mindless, unplanned hook-up followed by an awkward conversation, but she wasn’t sure she could fit it in her schedule. When she went out with Renee again, Allison didn’t want any of them bolting because they had “stuff to do”. She wanted to be able to dedicate all of her time to Renee, without having to worry about anything else.

The other half of why she didn’t invite Renee out, though, was a little petty. Insofar, Allison had been the one to go after her, to text first and invite her for pancakes and all that. She wanted the next time to be Renee’s move, her choice, her definitive confirmation that yes, she was interested, and yes, she would work with Allison to make this whole thing, whatever it was, work. It was taking a bit longer than Allison had hoped for, but she was optimistic. Renee was regularly texting to ask Allison about her day, or to talk about hers, or to send pictures of her meals or dog or outfit. It felt suspiciously like they had become good friends, and, to be honest, Allison could’ve been more worried about it. It wasn’t exactly where she wanted them to be, but, in the past few years, she’d learned the value of a good friendship, and it was a relief to know that if they couldn’t have anything else, they could at least have that.

Allison had just figured out some issues with the inflatable castle rent and was walking back to her car when she got the text from Renee saying  _hey, if I were to invite you to a movie right now, would you be free?_ Her heart did cartwheels in her chest while she read the words over and over, sitting in the driver’s seat, making sure she hadn’t misunderstood. Allison wanted to say yes with all her heart, but the party was in two days and she’d just gotten a call from Dan asking her to pick up some last minute ingredients for the snacks she was making. 

_I’d love to, but I can’t,_ she replied. _Dan has me running around running party errands. Not that I mind. I sorta set myself up for this one_ _when I offered to plan the party_ _._

_You’re a good aunt,_ was Renee’s reply. It made Allison smile.

_Sorry that being a good aunt gets in the way of being a good friend with benefits,_ she typed, then hesitated, wondering if it was too much. 

It _was_ what they were, wasn’t it? She was sure there wasn’t a better term for sort-of-friends-that-hook-up-sometimes-and-happen-to-have-a- common -acquantaince-that-is-6-years-old. Allison shrugged once and hit “send”. 

This time, Renee’s answer took a little longer. Allison watched the three dots indicating Renee was typing appear, disappear and reappear before she finally got the text – well, the text _s,_ all following each other in rapid succession:

  
  


_Don’t be. I think it’s lovely. To be honest, being good with kids is a huge turn on for me_

_Is this weird? That was weird right_

_Sorry I just made it weird_

_Oh my God_

_Pretend I didn’t say anything_

  
  


Allison laughed alone in the parking lot. She was finding that making Renee blush or get coy was one of her newest favorite hobbies, mostly because Renee was always so put together and in control of the situation.

_Don’t worry, it was only a little bit weird. Not enough for me to block you yet lmao._ She hesitated for a second before saying  _fuck it_ and adding:  _I COULD stop by later, if you want. After I’m done with my Fairy Godmother business._

_That would be cool,_ Renee replied, faster this time.  _It’s a school night, though. I can’t stay up late._

That meant “no sex” and “no sleeping over”, probably, but Allison was cool with that. Briefly, she wondered why Renee had decided to ask her out on a Thursday evening.

_Alright,_ she texted back.  _I’ll let you know when I’m on my way._

Allison had never gotten party business done faster in her life. She rushed to the grocery store, picked up the ingredients Dan had asked her, stopped by the bakery to make sure everything was right with the cake, bought some decorations at a cute little store she found on the same street and dropped the grocery bags at Dan and Matt’s place on her way to Renee’s, all in record time. She even refused to come inside when Dan invited her, which got her a knowing smirk.

“On your way to more important things, I see”, she said. Allison rolled her eyes.

“Yes. More important than your stupid face.”

Dan didn’t seem affected by this.

“Tell  Miss  Renee I said hi.”

Allison blew her a kiss.

_“_ No. Fuck you.”

(David wasn’t around; she was allowed to say it.)

Renee lived in a small building not that far from Dan and Matt’s house. There was an awkward moment when she opened the door, during which nor her nor Allison seemed to be sure of how to proceed. Allison had half a mind on leaning over to kiss her when she was attacked by what seemed to be a tiny ball of black fur. The dog didn’t even reach Allison’s knees, but it was fierce little thing, and it didn’t stop barking and pawing at her until she leaned down to pet it.

“Kevin!” Renee exclaimed, which confused Allison for a second before she realized that was probably the dog’s name. She bent down to pick the dog up, gently kissing it on it’s little head. “That’s no way to treat a guest.”

Allison laughed.

“You know what’s funny? I have a friend called Kevin. And he’s  _huge._ ”

Finally, after a last second of hesitation, Renee kissed Allison gently on the lips.

“Well, my friend Jean told me to call him that. I never knew why, but I figured it was as good a name as any.”

The name sparked something in Allison’s mind – a memory from her Palmetto State days, blurry and indistinct like she’d been drunk during it. And it was probably true. Allison had been drunk during most of her real conversations with Kevin those years, because, when sober, they couldn’t stand each other.

“Jean? Like, Jean Moreau?”

Renee seemed surprised.

“Yeah. You know Jean?”

No, Allison didn’t  _know_ Jean, Renee’s friend, but she did know Jean Moreau, professional Exy player, ex-Edgar Allen Raven and former USC Trojan. She also knew him as Kevin’s friend. They talked about it for a while, marveling at the coincidence, while Kevin The Dog ran laps around their feet and Renee turned on the television. Other topics sprung from there, like where Renee had gone to college and how she’d met Jean. This time, Allison noticed Renee wasn’t as quick to deflect personal questions as she’d been the last time. She hoped it was a good sign.

Renee also let Allison pick the movie, which was nice of her, and soon they had settled on the couch with a bucket full of popcorn and Kevin The Dog curled up at their feet. The awkwardness from before was nowhere to be found: Allison was shameless about putting an arm around Renee and pulling her close, and Renee didn’t protest, instead tucking herself even closer and resting her head on Allison’s shoulder. Once the movie started, they didn’t talk much, but the silence between them didn’t seem charged. It felt right, somehow. For once, they weren’t worrying about disclosing their past lives or making plans for the future. It was a sort of “living in the moment” Allison had never experienced before. Her “moment” usually involved blinking lights, loud music and enough alcohol to give a lesser woman alcohol poisoning, not pretty girls, blankets and cuddles (and a dog). 

There were no shenanigans, either – in other occasions, Allison had gotten “come over so we can watch a movie” as a blatant excuse to have sex, and, sometimes, she had been the one to initiate it, but tonight didn’t feel like a night for that. Allison found that she wanted that sort of domestic calm, which was a lot scarier than wanting sex, because she couldn’t remember ever wanting this with anyone before. 

Of course, she’d had her share of watching movies and cuddling on couches with her long-term college boyfriend, but it had never been quite like this. It just had never felt right. It felt like something Matt and Dan had, and Nicky and Erik, and Aaron and Katelyn – hell, even Neil and Andrew, she’d caught them that one time –, but not Allison and Seth. Never Allison and Seth. Whenever the two of them had too much time in peace and quiet and domesticity, they would start fighting, or Allison would start noticing how bad they were to each other.

Apparently, though, it was something Allison and  _Renee_ did. Huh. This was new.

Allison thought she could get used to it. She really,  _really_ could get used to it – actually, she wouldn’t mind a life time of watching movies quietly on the couch with Renee, dog at their feet and all. 

Which was even  _scarier._

Allison tried not to dwell on that and focus on the movie.

It ended much too soon; it seemed like only a few moments had passed when the end credits started rolling on the screen, and Allison felt blindly around the couch for the remote. 

“That was a terrible ending”, she declared, and regretted it immediately when she looked down to find out Renee with her eyes closed, mouth hanging slightly open, fast asleep against her chest.

Allison froze, unsure if she should wake Renee up or not. There were only two people she could remember falling asleep on top of her like that. Back in their Palmetto State days, Dan used to lay on the couch of their dorm room with her head pillowed on Allison’s lap, and sometimes she would take a nap like that, while Allison watched a movie or scrolled through her phone, until the arrival from their other roommate or a call from Matt woke her up. And, as a baby, David was always quick to fall asleep in anyone’s arms – even now, he could sleep anywhere, although the only one still able to hold him like that was Matt. But, a few years back, Allison remembered clutching him while he breathed evenly, careful not to wake him, marveling at that unguarded trust.

Renee was neither her long term best friend nor her 6 year-old nephew, though, so it wasn’t like Allison knew what she was expected to do. She didn’t want to wake her up; she looked so peaceful like this, so soft and relaxed. The moment felt precious, intimate in a way completely different from all the intimacy they’d had so far. There was an implicit level of trust there – for some reason, Allison didn’t think Renee was the type to fall asleep around just anyone. Maybe it was because Allison herself hadn’t closed her eyes around strangers since high school. Runaways and troubled kids had a way of recognizing each other.

Softly, she carded a hand through Renee’s hair, moving slowly as not to dislodge her. Allison couldn’t wake her up, she decided. She would rather stay still until her arm went numb and fell off.

Fortunately, she didn’t have to go that far. Allison still had some feeling left in her arm when Renee shifted, mumbling softly, and opened her eyes. She sat up slowly – much to Allison’s displeasure, as she would rather keep her close – and seemed surprised and a little embarrassed to find Allison looking back at her. Not alarmed, though, which was always a good sign.

“I’m sorry”, she said, sleep making her voice softer. “How long was I out?”

Allison tried not to lose her mind at how adorable Renee looked with her messy hair and her hand rubbing her eyes.

“Not long, I think. I only realized you were sleeping when the movie ended, and that was about ten minutes ago.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

Allison shrugged, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. Was this weird, that she’d just sad there and sort of watched Renee sleep? She reached for Renee’s hand, pulling it away from her face so she could intertwine their fingers.

“ You looked tired.”

“I was” Renee smiled, a small, resigned thing, and, for a moment, her eyes seemed very distant. With her free hand, she touched the cross that always hung around her neck. “I haven’t been sleeping well, lately.”

Something about the way she said it made Allison think that she wasn’t talking about a simple case of insomnia. She didn’t know if she could ask about it, so she worded her next sentence carefully:

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Renee turned her bright blue eyes to her, her expression serious. She let go of her crucifix to touch Allison’s cheek, so lightly Allison barely felt it.

“I’ll tell you, someday”, she said, and it sounded like a promise. “What my nightmares are about. The prayers I say in the middle of the night to keep them away. Everything.”

Allison’s heart did a complicated thing in her chest.

“You don’t have to”, she said, but Renee was already shaking her head.

“I will. When I can be sure you won’t run away from me.”

Shaking, Allison put her hand over Renee’s fingers on her face, so she was holding both of Renee’s hands in her.

“I could never run away from you.”

It was only when the words had left her mouth that she realized how true they were. It should’ve been scary, to suddenly acknowledge a feeling like that,  but, somehow, Allison wasn’t frightened anymore. How could she, after Renee had fallen asleep against her chest like that, made her a promise to let her truly know her?

A long moment of silence stretched out between them. Allison felt like she should lean in and kiss Renee, but she didn’t do that; instead, she said, trying to lighten up the mood:

“Well, it  _is_ a school night, after all. I should probably let you sleep.”

When she let go of Renee’s hands and motioned to get up, though, Renee grabbed her wrist tightly, looking up at her with what seemed to be almost a plea in her eyes. Allison froze and stared back, heart racing in her chest. For a beat, none of them said anything. Then, came Renee’s soft voice:

“ Stay?”

Allison felt the word all the way down to her bones. No one could’ve made her leave that apartment after hearing that.

“ Yeah”, she replied. Renee smiled, and Allison didn’t even realize she was smiling back, automatically. “Let’s go to bed, yeah?”

And they did. Allison borrowed a soft t-shirt and discarded her jeans, and Renee put on her pajamas, and they laid down on the mattres in a position similar to the one they’d been on the couch, with Allison’s arm cradling Renee’s head to her chest, holding her with such ease it felt like she’d been holding her all her life. They didn’t talk, other than to say “goodnight” to each other. The whole ordeal was quiet, simple, impossibly domestic. 

Renee fell asleep almost immediately, and once again Allison was struck by the confidence in it, the trust in such a simple act. She hoped whatever nightmares afflicted the beautiful woman in her arms wouldn’t come to haunt her that night, but, if they did, it would be okay – Allison would be there to comfort her, this time. Surrounded by a sense of calm she hadn’t felt in a long time, Allison let the sound of Renee’s steady breathing lull her into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are two things you need to know about this chapter:  
> \- idk how clear that was, but my headcanon for Dan is that she is Brazilian, hence David speaking Portuguese on the last chapter (which is when I should have probably explained this but I forgot lmao)  
> \- my friend also has a black dog called Kevin but he is really as huge as Kevin Day and equally judgmental  
> \- i'm so glad this title i chose completely at random finally makes some sense!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know - I'm sorry! I seem to have spent the entirety of january and most of february completely incapable of writing words, and this chapter got completely out of my control. I had a very elaborate plan with princess dresses and such for it, wrote half of it, then decided to go in another direction and had to delete and rewrite a couple scenes, and then... Well. But it's here now! And its LONG so there's that (7k words and i literally just wrote 3k of them like five minutes ago lol)
> 
> I hope it's alright. I have proofread it but mostly I was too excited to post it to actually wait for my beta, so let me know if there are any mistakes/errors/stuff that makes you go "wtf".

Throughout the past few years, Allison had planned a good number of children’s birthday parties: all of David’s, a couple of Kayleigh’s (when it was Kevin’s turn to be responsible for it, instead of Thea’s), some of Lukas’, and even baby Miguel’s first celebration. She had experience with unicorn decoration, animal shaped balloons, piñatas that looked like ponys, Disney-themed murals and cakes, and all the other extravagant and colorful trinkets kids liked having at their parties. And she had done a great job every time, she thought.

Looking at David’s princess party, though, Allison had to admit she had really outdone herself.

The fact that Dan and Matt had a huge backyard to set everything up, with enough room for the tiny guests to run around without bumping into each other, certainly didn’t hurt. Wherever Allison looked, there was glitter, serpentine and children screaming in delight over a game or another kid or one of Dan’s _brigadeiros_ or some other snack. It was a sort of controlled chaos that Allison felt weirdly comfortable in, which made her realize she _really_ had been spending a lot of time with children.

The entertainers were running a little late, but, other than that, everything was flawless. The inflatable castle seemed to be the most popular attraction, and, of course, being David Wilds-Boyd’s birthday party, a match of Exy with very small players had begun a few feet away from the adults table. This time, Wymack had volunteered to play referee, since Dan and Matt were too busy running around the party, Neil, Andrew and Aaron were only good with _their_ kids, Katelyn was pregnant, Nicky and Erik had their own children to watch, and Kevin didn’t know how to be nice when it came to Exy. Allison had offered to do it, since her job as party planner was already done, but Wymack had given her a knowing smirk and said:

“You stay there, Reynolds. I’ve been told you’re expecting someone, and I don’t wanna get in the way of your date.”

For a group of people that had kept so many secrets for so long, the Foxes sure liked to gossip about Allison’s love life.

So, Allison was sitting next to the twins at the table deemed The Adults Foxes Table, trying to pretend that the reason she was looking around so much was to check on the decoration, instead of looking for any sign of Renee. They had been talking more often than ever after that night at Renee’s place, and Allison hadn’t realized she could start missing someone so much, so fast. The last time they’d been together had only been two days ago, and Allison already felt unnecessarily needy for Renee, the urge to be with her almost unbearable. She wondered vaguely if this feeling was why Matt and Dan had been so unbearable in college, or Nicky used to cling to his phone and text Erik 24/7, or why Neil and Andrew had that weird symbiotic connection that made them seem like a single unit sometimes.

Her attention was pulled back to the present when a baby was placed on her lap. Allison held it instinctively and looked down to find Miguel, staring up at her with his big brown eyes. Judging by how far Nicky was sitting, she guessed he had passed the baby to Aaron, who had passed it down to Andrew, who, in turn, had given it to Allison.

“You are a terrible uncle”, she told the twin closest to her.

Since college, it had become increasingly easier to tell them apart; she knew for sure the blonde dwarf glaring at her was Andrew, even if his armbands were hidden by long sleeves.

“And you’re an example”, he huffed. Allison pointed at Aaron, who was sitting across from her and seemed completely uninterested in the conversation.

“You, too. Seriously, hold your damn nephew. It’s not going to kill you.”

“I’ll be spending enough time holding babies, thank you”, Aaron replied in a flat tone.

It suddenly occurred to Allison he was still pretty young, and, having a childhood like his, he was probably terrified of the prospect of raising children himself. Judging by the long look Andrew shot him, he was thinking the same thing. Allison sighed. She could have told Aaron he was going to be fine – Dan and Matt had made it, and so had Nicky and Erik, and even hot mess alcoholic Kevin Day too, so there was no reason Aaron and Katelyn couldn’t. The former PSU Foxes had never really believed they would live past 21, and so they had trouble with the concept of growing up - or, rather, they had trouble believing they could grow up to become better than all the adults that had hurt them. But, somehow, they seemed to be managing, up until now.

But Allison didn’t say any of that. It wasn’t her place to do so; the only person Aaron would listen two in such matters was Nicky, and sometimes not even him. It had always been like this, and it hadn’t changed since graduation. Her trying to comfort him would be perceived as meddling, and Allison knew better than to disrespect a Minyard’s personal boundaries. So, instead, she just held baby Miguel, bouncing him lightly on her knee, and said:

“As long as you don’t pass your children to your psycho brother to take care of…”

“Watch it”, Andrew warned.

Years ago, this would have started a full blown argument that might have ended in a physical altercation. As it was, Allison just rolled her eyes.

“I’m just saying. You have literal knifes on your arms. It’s not a good place to put a baby.”

From Andrew’s other side, Neil chimed in:

“She’s not wrong about that.”

“Shut up”, Andrew retorted.

Allison couldn’t help but smiling. They made a good couple.

Eventually, Nicky came back for Miguel with Lukas on his heels, both of them seeming equally excited about the plates of snacks they had in hands. Allison recognized the brown of the _brigadeiros,_ sweet coconut spheres she couldn’t recall the name of, and some healthier, child-appropriate snacks.

“Party of the year”, Lukas declared, which made him sound like a teenager in a bad movie, which was hilarious, because he was seven.

“Agreed”, said Nicky, winking at Allison’s amused expression. To the sound of his voice, Miguel immediately raised his little arms to him, clearly preferring daddy over auntie Allison; she took no offense to that. Nicky put his plate down on the table to pick him up, cooing softly. “I know, I know. Do you wanna go see Papa? Yes? Come on. Let’s see Papa.”

All children collected, he strode back to where Erik was sitting, at the other end of the table, chatting excitedly with Kayleigh, who had always had a strange fondness for him, and Abby, who had always been glad to talk to whoever would talk to her. Kevin was sitting next to them, although he seemed more preoccupied with watching the Exy match on the other side of the backyard than in participating in the conversation. As soon as Nicky and the kids approached them, Erik absentmindedly raised one arm to allow Nicky to accommodate Miguel on his lap and the other to pat Lukas gently on the shoulder, in a gesture so practiced and easy that there could’ve been no doubt they were a family, even with how wildly different they all looked from each other.

“I always thought Nicky was the most motherly of all of us”, Neil commented. Allison frowned.

“Why can’t he be fatherly or nurturing? You know, you could-”

She was interrupted by David’s voice shrieking from across the backyard:

“Miss Renee! You came!”

Well, shit. _Here we go,_ Allison thought, trying to ignore the sudden butterflies in her stomach. She felt like a teenager who had just seen her date arrive to pick her up for prom, and was now facing the prospect of introducing said date to her judgy parents.

(Wouldn’t be her first time in this particular situation, and, to be fair, she _would_ have to introduce Renee to Andrew and Neil, which were ten times worse than any parent Allison had ever met, even hers.)

Ignoring Neil’s knowing smirk and Andrew’s piercing glare, Allison got up from the table and looked around. It didn’t take long to find Renee, less because of her unusual hair and more because a small mob of children had recognized her and was now surrounding her in such a way she couldn’t even walk. Renee didn’t seem bothered by this at all; she smiled and laughed and talked to every kid individually, radiant and kind and _perfect._

It was adorable, really. _Renee_ was adorable. Allison felt like she was about to have a heart attack.

David, of course, was the leader of the child mob, and the first one to notice Allison approaching. He ran towards her and clung to her leg, even more cheerful than usual after being the center of attention all day long.

“Aunt Allison!”, he yelled, as if he hadn’t talked to Allison earlier that day. “Are the princesses on their way?”

Allison had completely forgotten about the hiccup with the entertainment; she would have to make a very angry phone call, very soon. But that could wait until she had said hi to Renee.

“In a minute, sweetie”, she promised. The answer seemed to satisfy David, and he let go of her leg, allowing her to get a few steps closer to Renee. There were still too many children on the way, so Allison just stood there awkwardly until the crowd cleared out and Renee’s eyes _finally_ met hers.

Given it was the first time they met in public – in front of Renee’s students and Allison’s family, no less - after they had more-or-less decided to be an item, it should have been so much more awkward than that small moment at Renee’s doorstep, when they didn’t know how to greet each other. But it wasn’t. It was _strange,_ but even the strangeness had a level of familiarity to it, so, even if it was a bit weird, it wasn’t _alarming._ Neither of them thought that kissing in front of all those people would be comfortable, which made it easier to settle for a greeting: Renee reached out to grab Allison’s hand and squeeze it, not in a handshake but in reassurance, and they smiled at each other.

“Hi”, Renee said, softly. Somehow, the word carried out through all the noise around them, clear as day, and Allison felt a weird rush of relief that they could have some of the comfort from that night at Renee’s place back.

“Hi there”, she replied. “You made it.”

“I couldn’t miss my favorite student’s birthday party” Renee winked at Allison. “Don’t tell him or his mom I said that. I’m not supposed to pick favorites.”

“He’s my favorite nephew”, Allison said, which earned her a mockingly shocked gasp.

“Allison! You can’t play favorites with your own nephews and nieces!”

“I only have one niece, and she hates playing dress up” Allison pointed to where Kayleigh was running around with Lukas, seemingly having abandoned her conversation with Erik. “David loves playing with my makeup and shit. He’s much easier to entertain.”

“Is that Kevin’s daughter? You could play Exy with her, couldn’t you?”

By her tone and the curiosity in her eyes, Allison could tell Renee was trying to see any similarities between that wild little girl and Exy legend Kevin Day - maybe comparing her to some of Jean’s stories about Kevin, even. She laughed.

“For now, yes. I do have a theory she will rebel against Exy as a teenager, just because everyone keeps telling her to be an Exy player like her dad. Kevin’s going to loose his mind, and I will be very proud of her.”

Renee laughed.

“It makes sense.” She looked around quickly. “Where _is_ Kevin? Jean asked me to say hi for him.”

It was a subtle reminder that Allison had yet to introduce her to everyone else, and Allison got the memo. She gestured towards the Adult Foxes Table. Dan and Matt had somehow managed to make a pause in their hosting to rest, so the only person not sitting there now was Wymack – and _everyone_ had their eyes on Allison and Renee, even Andrew with all his disinterest.

There was a beat of awkward silence when they approached the table, but soon enough Dan and Matt got up to greet Renee warmly, much to Allison’s relief.

“This is David’s teacher, Renee”, Dan introduced her to the rest of the table. “And these are… Well. There’s a lot of them, you don’t need to know everyone’s names. Matt, honey, can you get a chair for Renee? Thank you.”

While Matt went to obey, the other Foxes all greeted Renee in their own way: Nicky and Katelyn by smiling and waving like normal people, Aaron by nodding and turning his attention away, Kevin by staring at her, Neil by raising an eyebrow to Allison and Andrew by saying:

“So _you’re_ Allison’s new girlfriend.”

Before Allison could yell at him, Renee turned to face him, seeming unimpressed, and smiled.

“I’m with Allison, yes. If that’s what you mean.” She must’ve noticed the surprised look Allison gave her, but didn’t acknowledge it. “You must be Andrew. It’s nice to finally meet you all.”

Andrew didn’t seem impressed, but Aaron looked up quickly, pleased that she had gotten them right on the first try. Allison felt a weird surge of pride, mixed with the delight of getting definitive proof that Renee had been paying attention to all her rambles about her little found family.

“I like her”, Neil told Allison, when she and Renee sat down besides him and Andrew. Allison rolled her eyes.

“Thanks, I didn’t ask for your approval.”

“I’m just saying. I always knew you could do better than Gordon.”

Allison had to smile. He _had_ always told her that, hadn’t he?

Renee seemed to have no problems making up conversation with the others, even if the twins were being uncooperative as usual and Nicky, the most sociable one, was more preoccupied with feeding baby Miguel than with the conversation. It didn’t take long for the Jean Moreau topic to come up, and Kevin seemed to be surprised to find that Jean had friends outside of his former USC Trojans teammates.

“He talks a lot about you”, Renee said. “He told me to say hi.”

“Oh. In that case, tell him I said hi back”, Kevin replied, making Andrew scoff.

“Tell him about the dog”, Allison told Renee. Renee just raised an eyebrow, so she took matters into her own hands. “Renee has the tiniest dog I’ve ever seen. Jean made her name him Kevin.”

Renee gave Kevin an apologetic smile.

“I didn’t know I was naming him after Exy legend Kevin Day. I think I would have chosen something more appropriate.”

“How small is he?”, Matt chimed in. “You could have named him Minyard.”

“I still carry my knives, Boyd”, Andrew drawled. Neil and Matt exchanged amused glances behind his back.

Allison waited for Renee to show any sign of discomfort to the casual mention of knife carrying, but she seemed unaffected. She remembered her words from a few days before: _I’ll tell you, someday. What my nightmares are about._ Maybe she had seen worst than a 5 feet tall blonde psychopath with a couple knives.

As if he had been thinking the same thing, Nicky added, distractedly:

“Don’t worry. I made him promise not to carry pointy objects around the kids. You know, in case I need him to pick one of them up for some reason.”

The non-committal noise Andrew made left it unclear whether he was actually making good on his promise, but Allison remembered Miguel playing with his armbands on Wymack’s barbecue and figured that, if Andrew still had knives on him, he was smart enough to make sure the kids wouldn’t come too close to them.

Katelyn – bless her heart – steered the conversation back to something a little more normal, and it went on for a while like this: the Foxes reminiscing of old stories and explaining inner jokes to Renee, Renee telling them a bit of her own stories – Allison was absolutely thrilled by this, considering how closed off Renee had been with her at first –, occasional pauses to wonder about the whereabouts of one kid or another.

At one point, David ran past them and Dan insisted on having him take a picture with auntie Allison, and then with Miss Renee, and then with the two of them together, and Allison and Renee exchanged smiles that were only a little awkward before indulging her. It felt weird, to have one arm around her sort-of-new-girlfried and one hand resting on her nephew’s shoulder, but not in a bad way. Just… Unfamiliar, she guessed. Allison couldn’t remember the last time she had brought someone to meet her family. Certainly not a lot of people after Seth, because it seemed _wrong_ somehow, since Seth used to be one of them. And _definitely_ not since the kids were old enough to remember.

When Wymack returned from his job as referee, he greeted Renee with a considering look, sizing her up in that judgmental way of his, before turning to Allison and nodding once. Allison had meant it when she’d told Neil she hadn’t asked for his approval, because Allison Reynolds didn’t ask for _anyone’s_ approval about _anything,_ but it felt good to get it anyway from the people she loved the most. She remembered thinking that her and Renee were such a good fit because troubled kids and runaways had a way of finding each other; the Foxes, so resistant to strangers, seemed to have recognized Renee as one of their own, too.

It was a strange brand of domesticity, even stranger than the Foxes’ family gatherings, even stranger than Renee falling asleep in Allison’s arms. It scared Allison a little, how quickly and easily those two words had collided.

She was helping Nicky explain to Renee how Kevin had been a bitch during their college years when her phone started ringing, interrupting a particularly heated argument about which one of Kevin’s behaviors had been the worst. Allison was confused at first, since basically everyone that had her number was right there with her, but it all made sense when she saw the name of the company where she had hired the entertainments.

“I have to take this”, she told Renee. Then, she glanced at Nicky and Kevin, still arguing, then to Andrew, who was watching all of it with a disinterest that was only betrayed when he looked over at Renee. “Are you going to be okay with them for a few minutes?”

Renee seemed to guess what she was thinking of immediately, because she took a look at Andrew before turning back to Allison and smiling.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure I can handle him. Them.”

“Be careful”, Allison warned. “He bites.”

“Good thing I’ve got my rabies shots updated, then.”

God, Allison might be in love.

With a last reassuring squeeze of Renee’s hand, she set off to take the call inside the house, where there she would be able to actually hear anything other than the gleeful sound of children yelling.

***

Renee had imagined meeting Allison’s friends before. Despite her initial intention of not getting too close, she had been thinking about it since she’d heard the first stories of Allison and Dan exchanging secrets in their dorm room, of Allison fighting Kevin at practice and Andrew out of the court, of Neil and Matt giving Allison dating advice about her college boyfriend. She had thought she would be nervous around them, but it wasn’t like this at all. They were all a little scary, a little intimidating, in one way or another, but Renee had seen worse. She had been scary and intimidating too, at some point. Actually, this might’ve been the most comfortable she’d ever felt with someone else’s family in her entire life.

In her previous dating life, Renee had rarely ever gotten to the “introducing you to my parents” phase, because she had made a point not to and because the people she usually gravitated towards had no parents or relatives to speak of. But, in the few times it _had_ happened, it had always been older, suburban couples, that asked her about what she did for a living and what kind of dish she would rather have for dinner. It surely had never been a mix of vicious, troubled former varsity Exy players with pocket knives and old and fresh scars, and their strangely normal significant others and small children. For most people, the suburban older couple would’ve been the obvious preferred choice. For Renee, the vicious Exy players and co. were so much easier to handle.

Truth be told, she felt right at home at their table.

Renee thought that maybe she would feel less at ease after Allison left to answer her phone, but, other than not really knowing which conversation to insert herself in, she was still quite comfortable. From across the table, Andrew seemed to notice that, because he turned his piercing gaze to her and said:

“You don’t look like a kindergarten teacher.”

His tone was casual and neutral, like he was just making conversation, but his stare was glaring. Renee knew what that meant: he was trying to find a crack in her good-person-nice-teacher façade. Whether he could smell the blood on her hands or this was standard procedure to everyone trying to be a part of their clique, it was hard to tell. Either way, Renee didn’t take it personally. She understood the impulse, the need to protect your people. If Jean showed up with some guy she didn’t know hanging from his arm, she would probably prod at him a little too, even make an online sweep for his criminal records.

If Andrew looked for Renee’s criminal records, he was going to find a lot of things. She didn’t think he would be surprised by any of it.

“I wasn’t always one”, she replied, easily. Renee wouldn’t expose her long history of criminal activity at a kid’s birthday party, but that didn’t mean she had to lie, either. She’d gotten pretty good at toeing that line over the years. “You’re not the first person to tell me that.”

Andrew scoffed.

“I’ll bet.” He nodded towards the house, where Allison had walked off to. “She has a history of dating assholes.”

It was a rude thing to tell a guest, but no one scolded him for it. Again, Renee didn’t take it personally. Either they weren’t paying attention, or they were afraid to say something, or they didn’t bother, because Andrew was just being Andrew and there was no point stopping him. From his place besides Andrew, Neil glanced in their direction, seemed to decide there was nothing to worry about, and turned his attention back to what Matt was saying.

“Are you already putting me in that category?”, Renee asked, making sure her voice didn’t sound neither defiant nor intimidated. Andrew narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t know what to make of you. And I don’t like that.”

Most of the time, she didn’t know what to make of herself, either. And she surely didn’t know what to make of Andrew, but she knew she wasn’t scared of him, and he wasn’t scared of her, and, truly, if he gave her a chance, she thought they could maybe understand each other better than anyone else at that table.

“Allison knows what to make of me”, Renee said, because it was mostly true and all that mattered, in the end. Then, she said the one thing she knew Andrew wanted to hear: “I’m not going to hurt her. I have no intention of joining the ranks of assholes she’s dated.”

After a long moment just staring at her, Andrew shrugged, nonchalant.

“Reynolds can take care of herself.”

“I can take care of her, too.”

“If not”, Andrew went on as if Renee hadn’t spoken. “I still do have my knives.”

This time, Renee couldn’t stop her smile from being a little defiant, a little smug, a little closer to a grin than it usually was.

“As do I.”

As she had expected, Andrew didn’t seem intimidated or impressed by this declaration. Maybe he could tell Renee hadn’t touched her knives in years, or maybe he had known as soon as she’d walked in that she was a fighter at heart. Maybe he was just sure he could take her down, if it came down to it. Either way, he remained quiet, and Renee was glad that the matter had been settled.

“You didn’t know what to make of me, either”, she barely heard Neil murmur to Andrew. In response, Andrew rolled his eyes.

Allison came back a few minutes later, her face twisted in a frown. Renee watched, only half-listening to the story Nicky and Neil were telling her, while she strode over to Dan and leaned in to murmur something in her ear. They had a brief exchange, Dan’s expression changing from relaxed to to concerned, both of them gesturing around to the guests, while Renee tried to figure if the situation, whatever it was, was serious enough to need intervention, and if she was a part of this party enough to intervene herself, or if she should just send someone else. It didn’t _seem_ serious – if it was, she figured, the entire table would have jumped into action by now. The Foxes looked like they had a fair share of practice handling serious situations together.

Her suspicions were confirmed when Allison moved away from Dan’s end of the table to Renee’s. She took her place at her side and glared at Andrew.

“So. Did he threaten you yet?”

“He told me he had knives. Which, you know, I already knew.”

Allison rolled her eyes. One of her hands was resting on Renee’s knee under the table.

“That is _so_ typical.” Her expression changed into concern while she analyzed Renee’s face. “I know this is highly… unusual, to put it mildly, but I promise he didn’t mean it.” She paused. “Well. He probably did. But it’s not like _that.”_

Renee wondered what Allison would think of her previous exchange with Andrew if she knew how it had ended. She couldn’t bring herself to tell her, not now, not in front of all those people and kids.

“I get it. I can be protective over my friends, too.”

“ _Protective_ is a way to put it”, Allison agreed, sounding amused.

“Is everything okay? You seemed kinda upset.”

Allison made a dismissive hand gesture.

“Stupid entertainers are running late. No big deal. I told Dan I could drive over there and fix it, but she told me to relax and enjoy the party, so” She shrugged and smiled at Renee. “Let’s enjoy the party.”

As it turned out, “enjoying the party” meant telling more stories, yelling at the other Foxes and getting into bets with Matt and Dan on who could eat more miniature hot dogs in sixty seconds. It meant being asked to take a picture of all of the former Foxes, then of them and their kids, and then being asked to be _in_ the picture with them. It meant running around the backyard with the kids, playing hide and seek with David and teaching Kayleigh and Lukas how to improve their defense in another makeshift Exy match, while Allison watched them proudly and taught them some of her own dealer moves (the two of them made a good team, Renee realized, in more ways than one).

It meant eating cake and laughing and having Allison’s former-coach-and-father-figure nudge her in the ribs and say, “this one’s a keeper, Reynolds”.

“I know she is”, Allison replied, and kissed Renee on the cheek, right next to the corner of her mouth.

It meant belonging, belonging, belonging.

Renee felt right at home.

***

It was already dark when the guests all filtered out. Aaron and Katelyn took off because Katelyn’s ankles were too sore to stand, and Nicky and Erik had to leave when both Miguel and Lukas started falling asleep on their laps, but the rest of the Foxes stayed to help with clean up, much to Matt and Dan’s relief. Renee stayed, too, because she didn’t feel like driving home alone after a day like that; maybe if she stayed she could live in it a little longer. It had been a while since she’d felt so _complete._ She’d been happy, sure, she’d had good days: she loved her life, and her job, and her mom, and her kids. But today had felt different. Today had been _fulfilling_ in a way nothing else had ever been.

Allison, of course, was the head of the operation; she walked around the backyard giving out orders, pointing to where things should go and assigning roles. Half of the reason Renee had stayed was simply so she could watch Allison boss people around.

“Put those stupid muscles to use for once, Boyd”, she yelled at Matt, who had been assigned the task of dragging the tables away. Standing next to her with a tray full of dirty paper plates, Renee smiled.

“Seems like they’re used to you telling them what to do.”

“Matt is the textbook definition of a simp. Women telling him what to do are his jam.” Allison jerked her head towards where Dan was picking up plastic cups from the grass, as if that explained everything. Then, she pointed at Neil and Andrew, who were quietly arguing over something while Andrew chewed on another piece of cake. Kevin was nearby, collecting empty soda bottles. “Try getting those three to cooperate with you on something, though. They hardly cooperate with _themselves._ Coach’s the only one that can get them moving, and even that depends on how psychotic Andrew’s feeling and how hard Neil is trying to kill himself this week.”

Wymack had disappeared into the house a few minutes ago to check on Kayleigh, who had fallen asleep on the couch.

“I can imagine you worked well as a team”, Renee said, laughing. “At least you won championship.”

Allison pretended to shudder.

“Honestly, we were a fucking nightmare. _”_

 _“Language,_ Reynolds”, Dan shouted from across the yard, even if there was no sign of kids nearby. Allison rolled her eyes and turned the attention back to Renee.

“Yeah. Whatever. So, listen”, she started, then stopped. Suddenly, she seemed shy, like they hadn’t spent the entire afternoon together acting like they were all but married. “I know you’re probably tired from running around after screaming children, and all...”

“Well, not so much. Running around after screaming children is my day job, remember? I do this five days a week.”

Allison smiled.

“Right. So, I was thinking, if you’re up to it... Can we go somewhere after this? I don’t mean, like, going out. I was thinking we could go back to my place, I’d fix us some drinks, and we could... Well. What d’you think?”

The idea that Allison actually thought there was a chance in hell that Renee would say no to that was simply ridiculous.

“I would love to”, Renee replied. “But only if we can have breakfast at that place you like in the morning.”

“God”, Allison breathed out. “We can have breakfast anywhere you like, anytime you like, Renee.”

There was wonder in her eyes, and Renee’s heart did a very complicated twist. _This will lead to a conversation,_ she thought - no, decided. Allison had the right to know what she was getting into. And Renee owed it to herself to get it off her chest.

“Great”, she said. “Let’s get this place cleaned up fast, then.”

Half an hour later, they were getting into their respective cars - Renee still couldn’t get over Allison’s ridiculously fitting pink Barbie convertible - and drove separately to Allison’s apartment. Inside, Allison pulled a few bottles out of the fridge and started working on mixing this and that and cutting oranges and strawberries, while Renee sat on one of the high chairs on the kitchen counter and watched her. She seemed so at easy, mixing everything with such expertise Renee wondered if she had any bar-tending experience.

There was a long moment of silence, only occasionally broken by the clicking of the bottles and the noise of the liquid inside them sloshing, suddenly uncomfortable in a way it hadn’t been between the two of them for a while, now. Finally, Renee couldn’t take it anymore.

“They’re nice”, she said. “Your family.”

Allison’s relieved laugh proved Renee’s theory that she had wanted to ask about Renee’s impression of the foxes but had been too afraid of the answer to do it.

“I think you might be the first person in history to actually meet those losers and call them ‘nice’. ‘Crazy’ and ‘unhinged’ are usually what comes to mind.”

Renee took a deep breath to steady herself, and found out she was feeling brave. Now that she’d met the former PSU Foxes, she realized how unlikely it was that Allison would get scared and run away from her. On the other hand, now that she’d met the former PSU Foxes and had gotten closer and closer to Allison, she knew what really was at stake here. She couldn’t afford to mess this up.

“Yeah, well. I’m used to ‘crazy’ and ‘unhinged’.” She picked her words very carefully. “In fact, I used to be the ‘crazy’ and ‘unhinged’ in other people’s eyes.”

Most people would have been surprised by this, exclaiming things like “you? I can’t picture it!” and “but you’re a _kindergarten teacher”._ Allison just glanced at Renee while still working on the drinks, one perfect eyebrow raised in question, and waited for her to elaborate. It was equally reassuring and scary; Renee hadn’t felt trusted in so long, and she certainly had never _trusted_ anyone with her story in as many years. Suddenly, she was no longer sure she could do this. Not because she didn’t want to - Renee had never wanted anything so bad in her _life –,_ but because she didn’t know how. When she opened her mouth, nothing came out.

As if reading her mind, Allison put down a glass of something red and pink in front of her and said, in that “matter-of-fact-no-time-for-bullshit” tone of hers:

“Look, you don’t have to tell me… Whatever it is that you are trying not to tell me right now. We all have shit we don’t tell other people, whatever, I get it.” She poured herself a second glass, with an orange slice inside it, and leaned against the sink. “But I want to be with you, Renee. And I can’t see us starting something not knowing fuck-all about each other.”

She was right, of course she was - Renee _knew_ that.

_You owe it to her. Most importantly, you owe it to yourself._

“Tell me what you’re afraid of.”

Allison said it like she was offering a compromise, and Renee was good at compromising. She suspected Allison was not, but they had to start somewhere.

“I’m afraid I’m not as good as you think I am”, she replied, quietly, staring at her drink instead of into Allison’s eyes. Not yet. “I’m afraid I don’t deserve you, and I’m afraid you’ll realize that and leave. And I... I’ve been alone for such a long time. I don’t want to be alone again.”

It felt like she had put her heart on the cutting board, right next to the oranges, and Allison was still holding the knife, still able to rip it open and tear it to pieces. It took all of her bravery not to take it back in and hide it from view forever.

It was only when she felt Allison’s hands on her face that Renee raised her head, reluctantly. She met Allison’s blue eyes and an expression she had never seen on her face before: earnest, serious, fond, adoring, concerned, all at the same time, like she couldn’t decide what to feel.

“Trust me, Renee. I’m not running away from you”, she said, and one of the corners of her mouth quirked up with a tinge of her dry sense of humor. “Plus, I went to Palmetto State, remember? Whatever it is you’re so afraid to tell me, I’ve probably heard worse.”

It wasn’t unlikely that she was right, but Renee still hesitated. When you held a secret locked up for so long as she had, it was hard to even find the key, and much harder to find the courage to turn it.

“Trust me”, Allison insisted, and something in Renee’s chest cracked.

“When I was a teenager”, she started. “I went to juvie for stabbing a man.”

It was the worst possible way to start. It was a guarantee that Allison would let go of her, push her away and show her the door. It was the best way to ruin this.

But Allison was still there. One of her thumbs traced the ever present bags under Renee’s eyes, softly and lovingly, and she let go only for long enough to settle on the stool next to Renee’s, turning them so they were facing each other. She let out a low whistle, then said:

“Good thing I made us  something to drink, huh?”

Renee choked out a laugh, and accepted it when Allison brought her glass up to her lips for a sip. The drink tasted sweet, the sting of the alcohol barely pushing through the citric flavor of the orange and the mix of juices Allison had mixed in with it. It made Renee a little braver - not because it was alcohol, but because Allison had made it specifically for her.

She told the entire story at once, barely pausing to breathe, too afraid of what Allison would say if given an opening. She didn’t hold anything back; Renee told Allison about the bad parts - the gang, the blood, the man, the knives - and the good parts - her foster mom, getting out of juvie, church, being reborn, going to college and finally finding her purpose in life - and the parts that she couldn’t get rid of - the nightmares, the night terrors, the guilt. She talked and talked and at some point, it stopped being her heart on that cutting board, and it started being something else - something ugly and heavy and painful that had been forcibly removed from her chest by the words.

And all the while Allison just watched her attentively, occasionally sipping from her glass, never with judgment in her eyes. When Renee finally stopped talking, she didn’t say anything. She just jumped out of her stool and hugged Renee to her chest, letting Renee quietly wipe her tears in her shirt, finger stroking soothingly over her back. That’s when Renee finally, _finally_ believed it: Allison wasn’t leaving. Allison still wanted her. She didn’t have to be alone anymore.

She felt like she could weep.

She wanted to laugh out loud.

Instead, Renee simply clung to Allison and let herself be held.

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, Allison said:

“I’m sorry. I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

It didn’t sound like pity, and Renee didn’t take it was such. It sounded like “I care about you, and therefore I wish you didn’t have to hurt so much”, and, as selfish as it might be, Renee wanted that feeling more than anything else in the world.

“I know it’s a lot”, she said. She could feel Allison shaking her head.

“Yeah. It’s a lot. But I’m here, okay? That was then, and this is now, as they say. You’re not that person anymore. I don’t believe, not even for a second, that you are.”

Renee nodded. Rationally, she knew that. In her heart, it was still hard to believe, sometimes. Having Allison say it made it slightly easier.

“I’m in love with who you are now”, Allison continued. Renee pulled back a little to look at her: she looked surprised, like she’d just realized this herself. “I don’t care who you were at seventeen, God, seventeen was _so_ long ago.”

Renee couldn’t help but laughing a little. The sound came out disbelieving, hysterical, because truly, were they _really_ having this conversation right now?

“You’re in love with me?”

“You know what? Fuck it. Yeah, I’m in love with you, Renee Walker” Allison’s expression was determined, like she was challenging Renee to a duel instead of making a love declaration. _I’m in love with you,_ that face said, _what you’re gonna do about it?_ “Renee Walker, stabber of men, teacher of kids. Whatever. I don’t care.”

“You know that’s not the normal reaction to something like this”, Renee pointed, even though she knew it was self-sabotage at its finest. “You should at least think about it for a few days... I know it’s a _lot,_ Allison, I don’t expect you to just roll with it.”

Allison seemed outright offended by the statement.

“So that’s it? You’re not gonna say you like me back?”

It had the same petulance she’d shown a few weeks before, when Renee hadn’t recognized her at school. It was so infuriatingly Allison that Renee could do nothing but pull her in for a kiss. She didn’t know what to say. The knot of fear and rejection on her chest was slowly vanishing, and she had lived with it for so long that her ribcage felt hollow without it.

“Of course I’m in love with you”, Renee said, when she finally pulled away from Allison. She kept her eyes closed; if Allison was looking at her with the same intensity she was feeling about Allison, she wouldn’t be able to bear seeing it right now. “Of course I am. How could I not be?”

“Oh, I don’t know” Renee felt Allison’s fingers playing with the hair on her nape, sliding along the collar of her shirt. “It’s not unheard of.”

“Bullshit.”

Allison laughed, bright and completely at odds with their previous serious conversation.

“Does that mean we’re dating now?”

Renee opened her eyes. She could hear her mom’s in her head: _you deserve good things. You deserve to be happy._ This was the moment, she realized, when she decided whether to believe it or not.

“If you want us to.”

“ _Hell yeah_ I want us to” Allison leaned to give Renee a quick peck on the lips, smirking when she pulled back and Renee chased her. “Gotta tell you, we’ve come a long way. Few weeks ago, you  didn’t even  recognize my face.”

“That’s not fair! I didn’t _know_ you then.”

Suddenly, some of the seriousness from before was back to Allison’s face. Not enough to make Renee’s stomach drop, but enough to make it clench a little.

“Actually, there are some things about me you still don’t know.” Her eyes were trained on Renee’s, all icy blue honesty. “You said this isn’t a normal reaction to what you told me. That’s because I’m not exactly  _normal._ No one you met today is, really. Us PSU Foxes are sort of known for  that .”

It seemed serious, but Renee could deal with serious. Whatever it was that Allison had to tell her, she could handle it.

“What is it?”

Allison took a long sip of her drink, then said:

“You know how I tell you college stories all the time? And they’re all about my team?”

“Yeah?”

“Well”, Allison drawled, stretching the word. “There is one story in particular I haven’t told you yet. It’s the story of how, exactly, we won the championship in my junior year.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (notice me projecting the Brazilian Birthday Party Experience unto my poor David)
> 
> I didn't write down Allison's story because - well, it's the plot of the books lol (minus Renee being there and Seth dying). If someone tells you they stabbed a man and you're not a former PSU Fox, RUN
> 
> Next chapter is going to be an epilogue, and I swear I'll try not to take two months and a half to update it lol

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot, then it got out of my control lmao I don't know how long updates will take (I'm currently writing three to four things at the same time so life's kinda hectic), but I do have every intention to finish it eventually lmao  
> Let me know if I've made any mistakes.


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